Shade (A Severus Snape Fanfiction)

|chapter twenty-three|

When I returned home late that night, Severus was gone. I walked through the silent house, too spent to cry any longer and too exhausted to do anything but crawl into bed. I trudged into the bedroom, unsure if I was relieved or disappointed to find he wasn't waiting on me. Instead, a note laid at the foot of the bed folded in half. I eyed it warily, my stomach weighing down with dread. I picked up the note with shaky hands and unfolded it slowly before retrieving my wand from my coat pocket.

"Lumos," I muttered, not bothering with the overhead light.

Kathryn,

I have to go back to Hogwarts early. I apologize for not being able to tell you in person, but it is vital that I return immediately. I hope to find you safe and at home when I return.   -Severus

I sighed and dropped the note back where I found it as I kicked off my boots. I crawled into bed, not even bothering to take off my coat before settling on my side of the mattress. I wondered if something really did come up, or if he was avoiding me.

I could only imagine how awkward things would be when I finally did see him again. I wasn't naive enough to believe that things would go back to normal. I had slipped up and let my guard down, and then I fell apart.

I didn't have any clue how to fix it, and I wasn't even so sure that I should try. I loved Severus, of course, but could I really go on lying to myself and pretending that I was okay with the fact that he didn't feel the same way? I had only just recently admitted to myself that I even did love him, and there I was exactly one day later after that realization alone and miserable. I did know that despite everything, I already missed him terribly. Finally, after what felt like hours,my exhaustion took over and I drifted off to sleep.

I didn't see Severus until three days later. The Dark Lord had summoned us to a meeting that evening, the first one I had been required to attend in quite a while. I settled into my seat, grimacing slightly as I felt Nagini brush past my foot beneath the table. It's not that I was generally afraid of snakes, I just didn't like that one in particular.

Voldemort was nowhere in sight, but I knew he had to be close by. Nagini never seemed to venture very far from him. I quickly forgot about the snake, though, as I found myself looking toward the door in search of Severus each time the others shuffled into the room and took their seats. Narcissa sat nearby, glaring daggers in my direction.

I suppressed the urge to wipe that snotty look off her face, and instead looked away and told myself she wasn't worth the punishment I would surely receive if I kicked her ass right now. I hadn't realized I had been holding my breath until Severus finally emerged through the doorway. He instantly set his gaze on me, already walking toward the empty chair next to me.

My nerves seemed to kick into overdrive as he sat down. He was so close that I could smell him, and I wanted nothing more than to press my face into his hair and inhale that wonderful scent. I wondered if the entire table could hear my heart pounding.

He didn't say a word, but when I snuck a glance in his direction, I was met with his dark eyes staring back into mine. He was expressionless as he always was at meetings, and I wished I could just turn my feelings off like that. It would make moments like this much easier.

"Good evening," Voldemort said, causing me to jump slightly as I broke eye contact with Severus. I looked over to the dark wizard now taking his place at the head of the table. "Now as you all know, young Draco has been tasked with a very special job. A task that I expect he will soon complete. Once the boy does as he was told, the real work will begin."

Most of the others smirked at his words, but I had no idea what was going on. I wasn't summoned to many of these meetings, and I had obviously missed something during my absence.