Shade (A Severus Snape Fanfiction)

|chapter four|

As expected, the nightmares returned, and they were more violent than ever. The voice had returned at some point in the night, tormenting me each time I awoke.

I managed to get up and dressed long before it was time to go to the Hospital Wing. I didn't think I could handle another nightmare. I was still filled with the emotions they left behind. Excitement, longing, and more importantly shame. I hated how much I enjoyed inflicting pain on the people I loved in those dreams. I hated that I was actually capable of harming them.

Perhaps it would be best if I left. Severus was right when he said I was endangering lives by staying in the castle, but his words from the previous night still echoed in my mind. You would be at the mercy of the Dark Lord. Voldemort wouldn't hesitate to use me, willing or not. And from what I had studied about Shades, it certainly wouldn't be a fair fight.

I had read once that a Shade from Albania in the eighteen hundreds cast a shadow over an entire village that killed every individual it touched. There weren't many stories about Shades, though. Apparently my father's family were some of the last ones in existence, but they were all dead now. As far as I knew, I was the last Shade on the planet.

I decided a walk would do me good and pulled on a light jacket before heading outside. The October air was chilly, but the sun was shining and warmed my face. I took in a deep breath of the crisp fall air as I began my walk around the grounds, coming to a stop when I neared the Black Lake.

I sat down on the grass and closed my eyes, soaking in the much needed vitamin d. I wished I could stay that relaxed forever and simply forget that I even had problems. In that moment, I could almost forget that life was currently shitting all over me.

My contentness was short lived, though. A shadow loomed over me, blocking the warm sun from reaching me. I opened my eyes to identify the person currently intruding on my first moment of peace in weeks and was surprised to find Severus looking down at me.

"Hello, Severus," I greeted him with a smile which he did not return. "What brings you out this fine morning?"

"I saw you walk out of the castle. I just wanted to make sure you are well," he replied. I grinned at him.

"So you were checking up on me? How sweet of you, Severus," I teased. One corner of his lips lifted up slightly, but his usual stoic expression returned immediately.

"Since your wellbeing affects all of those around you, I thought it best to check up on you."

"Have a seat, Severus." I patted the grass next to me. He looked from the ground and back to me as if I had grown a second head. "Oh, come on. Don't be such a girl. Are you worried you'll get your robes dirty?"

He stood there for a moment longer before sighing and sitting next to me. I was surprised he had actually done it, but I kept my expression neutral. We sat there silently for a few minutes before I finally spoke up.

"I have nightmares... I was speaking to the voice in my head when you found me on the staircases," I said, deciding to finally just lay it all out there. I trusted Severus. He was helping me despite his duty and loyalty to Dumbledore.

"You hear voices?"

"Just one. It's an annoying little fucker  too. Always screaming.. I don't sleep much these days," I scoffed, keeping my gaze on the still water before us.

"And the nightmares?" Severus asked.

"Just as bad," I replied with a small smile.

"You seem in unusually high spirits for someone in your situation."