Shade (A Severus Snape Fanfiction)

|chapter sixteen|

A/n: Hey there! Sorry about the wait for an update. Long story short- I had a sibling graduating college, and I was hosting family from out of state afterwards, so I never really got a chance to sit down and write.
I should be able to get back to regular updates now, though. So yay! I'm really enjoying writing this story. Hope you enjoy!

The walk back to the party was much colder without Severus' cloak wrapped around me. I stepped into the manor, still shivering from the frigid winter air. To my relief, no one seemed to pay any mind to me. Just as I was beginning to think my little "walk" with Severus had gone unnoticed, Bellatrix Lestrange approached me with a wicked smirk.

"A bit cold outside for a walk, don't you think?" she asked.

"I didn't realize you are so concerned with my health, Bellatrix," I replied dryly.

"Was that Severus Snape that I saw you walking off with?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business." I fought to keep my face neutral, not wanting to let her know she had hit a nerve, but her dark eyes seemed to burn right through my false confidence.

"I wonder how the Dark Lord would feel about you sneaking off with his little spy?"

"As much as I'm enjoying this little interrogation, Bellatrix, I think I'm just gonna retire for the night. Good talk," I sneered. Bellatrix surprised me by backing down. She wasn't usually so easy to shut up. She simply raised her glass of champagne to her lips, still smirking, as she sauntered off. Despite my cool appearance, my heart was beating furiously.

How much did she know? She only saw me walking with Severus, right? Surely she wouldn't have followed us.. And if she did, what would she tell Voldemort? Would he even care? I was never told there was a rule against sleeping with the other Death Eaters. In fact, many of them were married and in relationships with each other. Even if  Voldemort did find out about our relationship there was no reason for him to believe anything between us had blossomed before my time at the Malfoys.

A waiter walked by with a tray of fresh champagne glasses. I grabbed two and downed them as I  retreated to my bedroom, away from the noise of the party. Once I was alone, I placed the glasses on the bedside table and plopped back onto the mattress. My head pounded and the heels I had been forced to wear all evening had left my feet aching. I kicked the shoes off carelessly with a heavy sigh and smiled to myself as I thought about what Severus and I had just done.

I had missed being with him like that. So much that I begged him to fuck me in the Malfoys' backyard without a single care about being caught. If anything, the danger of that possibility made it even better. I also found myself wondering what our "relationship" even was. Most of the time I had spent alone with Severus before turning myself in was mostly carnal. We hadn't really taken the time to get to know each other or even really discussed our feelings. He had just fucked the hell out of me over and over, not that I was complaining.

I didn't feel like it was just about sex, though. There was certainly an emotional connection there that I had never shared with anyone before. Something that ran do deep that it frightened me a little. Dumbledore had hinted that I must be in love with Severus, due to his discovery in Valentina's journal, but could I really love someone so quickly? How would I even know if I loved him? I thought back to novels I had read before, ones in which the heroins spoke of sweaty palms and butterflies in their stomachs.

Severus had certainly made me feel very similar to what the books described, but who was to say he felt the same way? I might have had plenty of sexual experiences, but love was a whole other story. I rubbed my hands over my face in exasperation. What the hell was wrong with me? Was I really so self centered that in spite of everything happening around me, all I seemed to care about was if a man returned my affections?