Warmth Lies Within | MiChaeng

You Brought Me Back

Two years ago I reached to a certain conclusion, that a human faces and behaviors are no different comparing it to a flower. It's capable of deceiving you entirely with it's sweet and lovely appearance. Even when you get close to it, the scent will drag you closer and full you with desire to seize it for yourself or at least have a sense of it. And when you are committing that act of feeling it with your senses, the thorns suddenly startle you and the pain start to sting. That pain that leads you to regret letting your guard down so easily to fall in the trap.

Now, I am still convinced that humans are similar to a flower. But instead, I realised that there is another side to it's story than that one that invade my mind. I forgot that I was only considering my own feelings ignoring the flower side completely. Those thorns, it has existed for a reason. It's the only way to defend itself from intruders. The only defense it carry while facing different faces each day.

I never questioned myself why suddenly she showed those thorns when she seemed a harmless being. That only means a dangerous reason triggered her to do so.

Playing with my feelings wasn't at all beneficial to her. She didn't demand anything from me and everything was so naturally flowing with no worries until that day came. The day that she broke my heart and blinded me completely. And I think that seeing you again, after those years, brought the light to my eyes.

Now I can see and think clearly with a settled heart. No more hiding, it's the time to figure the truth and to get you back again.

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Chaeyoung and I are on our way to the house.

After deciding to come back to my old self, I feel that my heart is fully and widely open. As if now I got to breath again after a very long time struggling within.

Determination has owned my spirit. I am going to find Sana and figure the truth. If she won't say it herself, I am going to find out on my own.

When I saw her that day in the  woods, and heard that voice on the phone, I couldn't but get filled with worries and guilt as well. She sounded so broken and done with her own life. It's a tone that I never heard from her before. She used to be a person whose full of joy. But our encounter replaced it, to show her as an emotionless being in my eyes. But what I saw yesterday was beyond my expectations and knowledge that I concluded about her.

I have felt those broken feelings before and it was a terrifying experience that could drag you to a hill. Leaving you to decide whether to throw yourself away completely from this world, or to fight your way ahead to get out facing the outcomes. But for me, I done neither of those, and decided to stay still hanging between the two. Fearing to take a decision about the matter, it seemed the best solution at the time. As if ignoring that I am at the verge of dying and proceed to look up high, leaving life to decide what's my end is going to look like.

Seeing her in pain didn't relieve me as I thought. And instead, it wake my old self back. It's funny how the same person who locked my door, has came to open it up again.

Stores were passing along the road and my thoughts are taking me back to old memories. Part of me want to escape fearing that I will fall in the same mistake again. But my other part want to figure the truth, to confirm my assumption.

My head shifted it's direction to Chaeyoung side. This little kid that has a big heart. Who never brought up any questions to me neither tried digging for answers. I am pretty sure she knows something about me. Her parents probably mentioned some stuff regarding my stay, may be not everything. But indeed she know something.

I need to find answers not only for me, but for her as well. To live properly and finally get to talk seriously about our situation. Until then, I will make sure she's safe and protect her from anything around.