How to Piss Off A Super Soldier. By: Thor Odinson

How to Tell Your Teammates A God Knocked You Up. By: Steve G. Rogers

It was well known that Steve and Thor shared everything, sometimes a little too much on Thor's part, with their team. But for whatever reason when Steve opened his mouth to tell them he felt it go dry, like his entire body dried up to a crisp in fear. He had been so scared and angry of what Thor thought, he never considered telling the rest of the team.

"F-first... Bruce can I talk to you for a moment?" Steve asked, gesturing for him to get up and move to another room. Once the door was locked the first words out of the Captain's mouth were: "How far along am I, and how long can I hide this?"

Bruce sighed gently and gave him a smile. "You already told the father, the hard part's over." The scientist reassured him. "But what about the rest of the team? They'll think I'm some sort of freak! I was furious when I found out myself, and what about- oh god! What about Fury?! He is going to skin me alive! I'm not ready to be a parent, I can't even tell me friends I'm pregnant! Oh god I'm pregnant..." Steve rambled as fast as light, hiding his face in his hands.

Bruce looked down at the ailing man with almost pity, and extreme fear. It sort of just hit him that if he hulked out now there was a child he could be hurting. He shook those thoughts away and kneeled in front of Steve who was sitting on the bed of the random room. "For one thing you're blood results put you at about two months along, so maximum you have two months to hide this, three if you stop wearing all those skin tight shirts."

The Captain blushed. "Okay... It's bad luck to tell people anyways. before the the third trimester is over right? I'll be fine." He mumbled, taking a deep breath. "First trimester.... I don't recommend hiding it until you pop." Bruce said, but he could tell he was already tuned out as Steve walked out of the room, noticing the entire team was looking at him, more specifically his stomach.

Uh oh

"You're pregnant?!" The entire team shouted, making the soldier collapse almost instantly and Thor scooped him up before he hit the floor.

Less than a minute later Steve's eyes shot open. "Are you okay my love? You fainted. I would reckon that is not good in your condition." Thor said, supporting Steve's head and upper back.

The super soldier blushed and quickly got to his feet, still as agile as he once was. "How did all of you find out?!" He asked, feeling himself start to hyperventilate again. "Well.... Thor wasn't good at keeping his yapper shut, that room you were in wasn't exactly soundproof, and you just fainted like a girl. I'm pretty sure you're up the spout." Stark explained, almost sound bored, letting out a shout as Natasha elbowed him sharply.

"But! Buuuut!! I'm still not convinced because well... It's impossible." He finished, looking to Bruce. "I have the blood work if you'd like to see it. I could also hook up an ultrasound machine for a sonogram if you still aren't convinced." The graying scientist suggested, shrugging up and down.

And so all of the Avengers cooped inside the doctor's office, Steve awkwardly sitting on the examination bench and Tony and Bruce were huddled in the corner, whispering some things and looking down at papers and through a microscope.

After a while of silence Tony shot up from his hunched over position. "Well damn Cap! I didn't think you had it in you. Literally! You're positively knocked up, congratulations!" He said, clapping him on the chest (quite possibly on purpose) and the soldier bit back a scream, making some sort of a noise that stayed inside his mouth but it was loud enough to make everyone turn heads.

"You okay there?" Clint asked, raising an eyebrow. "Fine." The blond responded, practically choking it out, his voice raised a good amount. "I'm going to take a guess and say that hurt like hell?" Tony replied to the obvious lie, the blond simply nodded, keeping his mouth pined shut to keep from screaming.