How to Piss Off A Super Soldier. By: Thor Odinson

How to Tell Your God Fiancé You're Pregnant. By: Steve G. Rogers

It was well known between all the Avengers that Steve and Thor were excellent sparring partners, despite the fact they were a couple. They would fight with imaginary motive at each other and once they were good and tuckered out they would retreat to their quarters to... End the fight officially.

They were engaged to be married, though Steve wanted to hide it as long as possible. It was hard enough coming out to his teammates and then at a press conference, he wanted some relaxation before they found out their bisexual, equal rights activist, steriod infused poster boy was the to-be husband of a 2000 year old god.

It was a little too much for them to handle.

So, after weeks of badly hidden illness, fatigue and starvation for strange things, Steve put the puzzle pieces together. He had been throwing up every morning then not ten minutes later he would actually eat those oddly colored cookies Stark loved so much, and then the room would spin so strongly he couldn't stand, and then he was too tired to make it through sparring with Coulson, Coulson!- much less Natasha or Thor. So he put everything together. Finally.

His mother was a midwife, he wasn't stupid.

So here he was, 96 years old, shaking with fear in a world out of his time, trying to hold back tears as he stared down at 12 positive pregnancy tests he told the lady at the check out counter he was buying for his girlfriend, 'hoping this was the one.'

He let out a sharp internal noise when his lover knocked on the door. "No no just cleaning up in here." He said, gulping and throwing half of them into the trash can, some missing their target, and shoving two in his pockets.

Of course when he darted past the other Thor was left questioning what these little sticks were with the pink markings, and if he should touch them as he readied his shower.

The super soldier practically burst through the solid metal elevator doors he was so impatient, jumping in his spot on the tacky carpet of the elevator as he waited to see Bruce in his lab. Maybe he would have some answers. He just prayed Tony won't be there.

He took deep breaths in and out to keep the hot tears from continuing down his face, "it can't be possible." He whispered to himself, cleaning up just enough before walking through and tugging Bruce lightly by the arm. "Can I talk to you?" He let out a small sniffle. "In private?"

The doctor looked up at him nervously, "yes of course, what's wrong? Are you ill? Are you hurt?" "I'm not exactly sure how you would catagorize it." Steve stated, making Bruce raise both of his eyebrows.

Bruce pulled him into his private office and crossed his arms, "Alright then? What is it?" Bruce asked, not daring to touch the practically vibrating super soldier before him. Had he swallowed a bomb or something?

Steve reached into his pockets, clambering around and gulping before pulling out both of the little white sticks. "These are a pregnant woman's tests so what?" He asked bluntly.

"They're mine." The blond forced himself to say after a few silent moments, the doctor's face making a gentle 'O' shape. "Well... This could be a number of things... I mean there's prostate cancer I believe, or then of course-" "pregnancy." Steve finished for him.

"Or that. How did this happen?" He asked quickly, preparing a needle only to find the captain's arm already extended, "I know how this goes." Steve stated, almost sounding bored.

He took a deep breath before continuing, "I-I don't know how it happened, I have only been with Thor like that a handful of times-" Bruce glared at him, "okay maybe... 4 or 5 times a week... But I still don't see how this could've happened!" He exclaimed nervously as Dr. Banner drew the blood from his system.