your will shall decide your destiny

you make yourself known

He hated it. Mathew absolutely hated talking to women. And little girls. They were awful. they would look at him with judgement and fear. All except one. Anne. She was his light. Like a breath of fresh air that filled his lungs and gave him a whole new perspective, a whole new joy, and another reason he loved getting up in the mornings. Yes, she was his adopted daughter, but he loved her as if she had Cuthbert blood running through her veins. She made him the happiest he had been in his whole life.

But sometimes, a few very rare occasions, she also brought sadness. The happiness and joy that came with Anne was incredible. But Mathew would sometimes sit in his favorite chair, smoke his pipe and stare at the fireplace. And he would think. He would think 'what if'? What if, Michael hadn't died? Would he still live at green gables. Would Marilla have  had a chance at love with John. Could Mathew have had a chance with-

Sometimes Mathew wondered what had happened to Jeannie. Jeannie. A sweet loving girl from his youth. She was always more mature than the other girls and wise beyond her years. Last he had heard, she had gone to Paris to study fashion and met a suitor over there. He lost track of her, having to take on the farm work on Green Gables after their father had passed. He remembered clear as day his mother's funeral. She ha mourned herself to death after Michael passed and his father relieved the pain of losing his wife and son into the work that had to be done. Mathew thought that's what brought on his father's early death. Day in and day out, his father would be out in the barn until Marilla practically dragged him inside. and so their father died from a heart attack. the stress he had put on himself led him to be buried for eternity next to the love of his life. Mathew always thought that was his father's plan all along.

Marilla and him were headed to a worse fate, until... until Anne came along. and now he couldn't imagine his life without her. But she made him wonder. What if he had a chance at love and had children of his own? Would they have experienced the joy that Anne brought sooner? Would Marilla be the mother to her own Gilbert? 

Truth be told, Mathew always had these kinds of thoughts, and just like his father, he hid in the barn. but his age was catching up to him. And Anne came and suddenly he didn't feel so alone. Until he went to buy Anne a dress.

Mathew hadn't thought about Jeannie in years. He had heard from Rachel some years back that she was a widow and had moved back to Canada from Paris. But never in million years would Mathew have thought that she came back to the island, in Charlottetown. But there she stood, just as beautiful and poised as he remembered.  And then they had tea, and Mathew regaled her tales of the bright little redhead that had captured his heart. Jeannie seemed to be happy that Mathew had found love, though not in the conventional way. Mathew knew there was an unspoken tension between them. neither one of them dared to talk about their past. until Jeannie brought up the button. Mathew tried to hide his blush. He had no idea that she had known all these years, nevertheless keep the button. 

He left the shop that day back to Green Gables, slightly giddy and dazed. Marilla knew something was up and questioned him that night after Anne had gone up to bed. But mathew didn't say a word. Marilla then went on to lecture him about the excessive amount of boots he bought, saying he had to return them. Return them? He'd have to return to pick up Anne's dress. but for some reason, the thought of seeing Jeannie again terrified him. Probably because beside Marilla and Anne, and occasionally Rachel, Jeannie was the one woman with whom he could talk to and be comfortable. 

And so he sent Jerry. To return the boots and pick up the dress. Before he left, Mathew handed him something for Jeannie. Mathew didn't know why he did  it. Maybe it was a peace offering? They had never quarreled but it felt appropriate. Marilla dutifully noticed the button missing from his shirt, but he didn't  mind. Because Anne was ecstatic about her new dress. He had made his little girl happy beyond her wildest imagination. And for the first time in a long time, he felt true love.