Camp Kill Yourself

Chapter 05: Ghostface Voorhees

The sun was shining bright in the sky when Chris blew his whistle the next morning. It was admittedly ridiculous, but it gave him a sense of power to know that he was like the gigantic rooster awakening the camp to start a new day. He laughed evilly to himself as he blew again, louder this time.

"The fuck was that racket?" Wednesday stumbled out of her cabin with Vinny close behind her. The pair looked a bit disheveled, more so than from just regular sleep, and Chris raised an eyebrow to this. The feisty girl quickly raised a hand and shoved it in his face. "Don't even ask! No tuvimos relaciones sexuales."

At that moment, Velma stumbled out of the next-door cabin with Rick right behind her, yawning. "Who didn't have sex?" Shocking herself, she raised a hand slowly to her mouth. "I speak Spanish now?"

Rick continued yawning, replying half-heartedly. "Wednesday wants us to believe that she and Vinchenzo did not have sexual relations, but I believe the noises that kept us up half the fucking night say otherwise."

Vinny raised a bushy eyebrow. "You heard us playing Twister?"

Before Chris could interrupt, Jenna and Vee stepped out of their cabin still in their pajamas with no shoes or slippers. Blue turned to the group and frowned. "I thought we agreed that you do not wake me before noon. I don't do mornings, people!"

Vee giggled sweetly. "She really doesn't!"

Continuing to yawn and smack her lips, Blue sighed. "What time is it? If it's before noon, fuck you people, I'm going back to bed. I can't maintain this beautiful façade on no sleep!"

Chris glanced at his watch and grinned. "Seven o'clock on the dot. We're right on schedule!" He said this proudly, despite the murderous look on Jenna's face. 

Vee, Vinny and Wednesday glared at him, but they didn't quite have the ferocious look of revenge that was currently flickering in Blue's brown eyes. She continued glancing around, processing the scene and then her frown deepened. "Why did you wake me up and not Spence? That's unfair! Why doesn't the little Lollipop Guilder have to get up like the rest of us? Is it because he too has a whistle to compensate for his small penis?"

Chris' jaw dropped, and he tried to hide his whistle underneath his Blackcraft tee. "I'm not compensating," he stammered.

Ignoring this, Wednesday did her own visual sweep of the premises and sighed. "Come to think of it, where are Fuckface and Doucheraggle?" she added with her own frown.

Rick snorted. "That would be Craig and TJ?"

"Well, I considered TJ to be Fuckface but yes, basically," Wednesday nodded, and her long black hair bounced around her shoulders. "It's dangerously, eerily normal without those two idiots around. I can almost hear Mother Nature breathing a sigh of relief."

"Spencer is in the kitchen making our breakfast." Chris explained this with a smile, answering a question that no one had actually asked. "And it should be ready for us any minute now. So, let's all head into the –"