Book I: to cross oceans for [BxB] (trans) - completed

The Storm - Sean

The steam rising from the mug in front of me wavered and dissipated as I let out a long exhale.

"...baby? Sweetheart?" My mother's voice pierced my scattered thoughts.

"Huh?" I asked, my gaze rising to find her hovering over the stove, pink silicon spatula in hand.

"Your birthday. What are your plans?" She asked, a frown forming on her face as she moved the spatula around in the skillet, poking at what I assumed was breakfast - or at least, supposed to be.

"Oh, um, no. No plans." I returned my gaze to the mug in front of me and the still cooling coffee. 

Truthfully, I'd all but forgotten about my birthday.

"Absolutely no plans." I repeated unnecessarily.

"Oh? Well, you should do something with... um, with your friends. Maybe you guys can go out or they can come over."

I sighed, disturbing the slow ascent of the steam once more. I didn't have friends, I had a friend, just one. Or did, at least. After... well, after, I didn't know what we were to each other. Not anymore.

"I'd rather not, if that's okay with you." I mumbled, taking a sip of the coffee. It was bitter and way stronger than I was used to drinking. Mom had done her best to try and cheer me up over the past couple of days. Even if I hadn't outright told her what was going on, Danny's abscence was like a glaring neon sign that something was wrong. Apparently, making me coffee was her idea of a nice gesture. I wasn't mad or even upset. She meant well. 

"How about just a cake? We can invite Keanna and her girlfriend over." She said, frowning down again at whatever was bubbling and hissing in the skillet.

"Yeah, sure. Cake sounds fine." I half shrugged, drank some more coffee and stared out the window.

"Okay, I give up on this. Powdered eggs are not easier to make than real eggs. I'll just wash this up and then I'll make us some toast. Okay, sweetie?"

"Okay, mom." The sounds of neighbours greeting each other and cars pulling out of driveways slowly trickled in from the outside.

My mother rounded the kitchen island and planted a quick kiss on the top of my head before she made her way to the fridge and started to pull down ingredients to make us breakfast. 

I barely reacted to her show of affection, mostly because it was normal. But also because I felt... off. There was a disconnect, between sounds and feelings that reached me and how long it took my brain to process them. It was almost like a delay. Things just weren't synching up.

I touched things and interacted with the world, but if felt muted, almost like everything had faded to a dull black and white. It felt hard to even hold on to the mug in front of me or to a thought, for that matter. I was... numb. Maybe that's what this feeling was. Numbness. I hoped so, because I sure as shit didn't know what else to call it.

***

I made my way to my locker, ignoring the other students as they moved past or around me. No one really stopped or talked to me. I'd gotten used to arriving at school alone. Danny was my usual companion, but I had no idea where he was these days. Or if he even bothered to show up at school anymore.

I knew he'd simply up and quit the baseball team when Aaron surprised me by walking up to me and asking if I knew where Danny was. 

"Morning," Keanna said, leaning on the locker next to mine.

"Hey." I pulled down my chemistry and math book and tossed them into my backpack. 

"I called you last night. Wanted to know how you were doing."