Serendipity - a fortunate happenstance |✔

Chapter 06

(Mayumi Williams)

Just like that he left the room. I let my eyes closed along with my heart and soul. I was broken, No I was far beyond that. There weren't enough words to explain what it felt like. He didn't even bother to turn around and see whether I was in one piece after hearing his absurd words. I was expecting, at least the word 'sorry' from him. Was it that much hard? He just left, just like that.

Tears were streaming down my sore cheeks. I couldn't open my eyes. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel my entire world swirling around me. In each second passed, it felt like it was hard to hold myself together anymore. Physical pain was next to nothing in comparison with the pain I was holding in.

An unexpected knock on the door woke me up. Was that him? Did he came back? Would he laugh it off and tell me that he was just kidding? How pathetic I am to let my hopes up? I wanted to believe that he will come back for me. Only he didn't.

A nurse came through the cracked open door. She smiled at me warmly handing me a bunch of pills. It'll ease my pain she told me. Only I knew even if I shove all the tablets in the whole clinic in my mouth, still that wouldn't be able to ease up the pain. Suddenly I wish if I could do that. How could I be suicidal? After all, this was my fault. I should live through it.

The Nurse took off from the room turning off the lights behind her. Finally the darkness, I felt comfortable enough to cry myself out. I closed my eyes tightly and haunch myself in to the pitch black sight. Letting the pain turn into tears and wishing it could wash away the torment.

He might be thinking that I was a fool to fall for him. But I knew I wasn't. I knew what I was putting myself into. Right from the first day I knew he was a play-boy. I knew he was just flirting with me. That he was up to no good.

It was in his eyes. Underneath all flirtatious pretenses I saw an Innocent boy. I fell for his eyes. Those eyes wanted to say a whole different story about him that his lips ever did. His eyes didn't lie.

Being the nicest guy possible, I knew he was just trying to make me fall for him. But I was already in too deep. I wasn't naive to think a guy like him would treat me any better. But I wanted to help. I wanted to know what was bothering him, what he had been trying so hard to smother. I wanted to know the story behind the pain lying in his beautiful eyes. I just... wanted to help.

It wasn't like I've known him for years. But it was a sudden urge to protect him. To fight away no matter what it was bothering him. I wanted to be his safe harbor, his comfort zone. I thought I could I've seen something pure underneath his poseur. I wanted to believe he is a good person, at least he has the potential of being one.

And yeah I did try my best and end up wounded. They say don't play with fire, but a moth wouldn't care, would it? It was just like that. I thought I could help, and then I fell miserably for him. How could he do this to me? How could someone do this to anyone? How come he never even cared that his stupid joke would've been a death-end to me? Am I that worthless?

I tried to fight away the sobs rising through my chest. I tried to sleep. I wished if I could end this day. It was like my wish was granted. Finally the sleeping tablets were kicking in. I drowned in my last shred of hope....unconsciousness. I embraced it with all my might.

I spend almost six weeks in the hospital. It felt good to be there. They asked me to rest myself; they wanted me to sleep as much as possible. And the sleeping pills really did a great job in that case. I only had to pretend that I was okay to get pass if someone visited me. I was not supposed to talk much. My visitors had been my mom and dad most of the time, I asked them not to bring my little brother over. I won't be able to answer all his questions. Occasionally a friend of mine would pay a visit. However all my visitors were asked not to tire me up. That went well, because I got nothing much to talk about either.

Nights were my favorite. No one peeked in. I let everything slide. I cried till my pillow soaked with tears. I let myself drown. I cried till my sore body couldn't take it anymore. When the pills kicked in, I lapse into unconsciousness with the thought that I made it through for one more day. I smiled through gushing tears.

********

I was played. He didn't care about me at all. Part of my mind believed that he wouldn't care even if I had died from that so-called accident. Sometimes I too wished for it.

It has been two months. I was still in recovery, physically. I had to find a way to turn back in time and erase all those memories to be fully recovered. So I knew there was no way of going back to whoever I had once been.

It helped a little that only my personal memories were the key to him. No one dared to even remind me of him. It was all set like they knew he had to be out of my memory. I pretended well as I was back to the cheerful girl, somehow I made them believe I was. Only I knew those wounds have already run bone deep.

I reminded myself that avoiding the truth and believing the lie demands consequences. That bounded to leave a permanent bruise on me. I knew it wouldn't dissolve on its own. Yet I believed it would, if I live through it.

Now and then pain made its appearances, mostly at night. When I was out of sight from everyone I loved. I gave up everything and set the agony ablaze. I have always been strong enough to outrun the people that made me miserable. People who made me feel that I'm unwanted. But this time I believed the lie, I trusted. I became vulnerable. That's who I've became because of him.

Most of the time, I've been a big fan of my own theories. So disappointments have never been exactly a new thing for me, but I never stopped trying. I always hoped for something that was clearly out of my reach, and set myself up for the utter disappointment. I was used to it. But this was beyond everything. I still don't know how to cope with it.

I always believed there might be someone out there. I believed in love. That someone can be destined to stay when all the others dwell on the uncertainty. And he would arrive at my life at the right time. And he did and made me taste the bitterness of heartbreak. He taught me miracles do exist but not in the realistic world.

He made me give up on my faith which I held on to so dearly all my life. Now there was no hope, in a certain way I was free, just the emptiness. No wishes. There was nothing to wish for. My wish was already granted. It has finally opened my eyes. I let myself slip into the darkness whenever I could. There was no escape from the anguish of being unwanted, that was the truth that struck at me the most deeply.

I was no longer sure of what I was fighting with ....anger or agony.

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✔Author's note

Hello guys! I hope you are enjoying the story from Mayumi Williams's perspective. Let me know your thoughts on this. Don't forget to vote. Leave a comment. It means so much. Love you people.

PS: Check out the tagged comments for the songs I have suggested for the relevant scene.

Until next time ,
Udari❤