A New Battle

The Question

"Kaneki? What it this?"

Touka was standing in the doorway of the kitchen holding the suicide note to her chest. Ken put his book down and looked at her confused for a moment before he rememberd what he'd done. He looked down.

"You weren't supposed to see that."

"What the fuck is this Kaneki? Are you planning on killing yourself after everything?"

"No, Riku told me that if I thought about death, or ending my life I should write a fake 'suicide note' to help bring me back to reality. It's stupid, but it helps."

"Do you really want to die?"

"No, but I think about it."

"What the fuck, Ken!" She slammed the note down on the table.

"I didn't mean it. This was just part of therapy."

"How am I supposed to believe you?"

She waited but Ken remained silent. 

"Their's a lot of fear going around right now. The health of the baby, the future of Japan-- but do you wanna know what I'm most afraid of? I'm afraid that you don't care." Fresh tears began to trace over the dried ones on her cheeks. 

"I'm afraid you're going to confuse strength and weakness. I'm afraid that you're going to be numb and detached and think that if you can witness horrors and feel nothing then you're doing something right, but in fact your proving how weak you are." Ken shifted in his seat but kept his eyes on the floor. "Look at me when I'm talking to you."

He might her eyes hesitantly. The whites of his eyes were stained red.

"I'm afraid of you because I think you're to scared to be scared and I understand. I know it's scary and I know it hurts, but the only way to heal the pain is through the pain. You have to accept that you're scared. I'm afraid of you because I'm afraid for you."

She delicately caressed his shoulder.

"I don't want you to feel hopeless. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose anyone."

She was sobbing now. She cleared her voice, and it came out strong and forthcoming.

"And it's not okay. You are not fine. Anyone who tells you it's outside your control is lying to you, and they're lying to themselves because they are not as strong as you are."

She tucked the hair falling in his eye behind his ear.

"Their is much to be done. Their is much you can do."

She held him so close their cheeks were touching.

"You can do this, I believe in you, and I'll never leave your side."

Ken pushed her away. She stumbled and lost her footing. The only reason she didn't fall was because she leaned on the counter for support. He stood straight and looked down at her.

"You don't know what it's like to feel worthless." Ken screamed. "Where nothing you do matters. I feel that way every day of my life! Every damn day. And I'm tired of people telling me it's going to be okay. I have felt empty for years. I have thought about dying before I even became a ghoul. So don't tell me it gets better because every time I tricked myself into thinking that's true it gets worse."

"I'm telling you its okay," Touka whispered. "Don't you believe me?"

Ken turned away, biting his lip. "I don't know what to believe."

"You can't trust your own wife? Was marrying me a mistake to you? Why don't you tell  me about anything."

"BECAUSE IT'S HUMILIATING!"

The two young adults stood completely still. They seemed like statues in a twisted dollhouse.

"You can't understand." Ken whispered, he stormed to the front door and slammed it behind him.

~~~~~~

Again some diolouge was based on the video below.