A Twisted Love

Chapter 36

Tessa woke up the next morning feeling the most terrible she had in a long time. Her eyes were puffy and her head was killing. After leaving Will in the bedroom, she had ran downstairs and asked Isabelle to drive her home. Of course, Izzy had complied and Tessa had explained everything that had happened to her. After Isabelle had gone back to the party, she had laid on her bed and cried. Tessa wasn't sure why she had started crying - she felt so pathetic for crying - but she couldn't stop the tears that came.

Maybe her tears were for Sebastian and the way she had just left him sitting there in that vulnerable state. Tessa felt so much guilt and felt so bad for Sebastian, knowing that he had probably felt embarrassed or was mad at her. Or maybe her tears were for Will and the fact that she knew they couldn't even make a friendship work. Maybe it's good that he doesn't love me, Tessa told herself, we can't even make a friendship work, much less a relationship. She recalled the way he had looked at her with her such shock. She had shocked herself. Did she really mean what she had said? Was she really done with Will? Deep down, she knew that should be.

Tessa sighed to herself and begrudgingly pulled herself out of her warm bed and began to get ready for her day. She really really did not want to face Will in Literature but she had no choice. Tessa felt like this was all her life had become since she had moved to England: looking forward to Literature because of Will or dreading Literature because of Will. It was very exhausting. She changed quickly and made her way downstairs. She said a quick hello to her friends and then left without eating anything. The drive to college felt painfully long but in reality it had only taken her a few minutes.

When she walked into class, Tessa breathed a sigh of relief. Will wasn't in his seat - yet. She sat down and was pleased when Will didn't show up in the first twenty minutes. That meant that he wasn't coming at all, he probably wanted to avoid her. A slight pang went through her but Tessa tried her best to ignore it. Oh well, she thought, this is how life will be now. You'll just have to get used to it. After class was over when Tessa checked her phone, she saw that she had a text message from Sebastian.

Hey, I think we should talk. Wanna get coffee at 12?

Tessa bit her lip, worriedly, but decided to get coffee with him. She really didn't want to face him after his badly she had treats him the night before, but Tessa knew she would look even worse if she didn't go. She wondered what he would say to her today and she didn't have a very good feeling about it. Noon came faster than Tessa would have hoped and soon she was sitting at small table in Starbucks, waiting for Sebastian to walk through the door. When he did, his green eyes immediately found her and he smiled. He was dressed in tight jeans, a black t-shirt and a white jacket over top. He came and took a seat across from her and Tessa pushed the second coffee cup towards him.

"You remembered what I took." Sebastian grinned at her.

"I have it memorized by now." She smiled back at him.

There was then an awkward silence, and Tessa began to say something the same time as he did. They both began to laugh.

"You can go first." Sebastian told her.

Tessa took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry for leaving you like that last night. I felt horrible. I just - I don't know what came over me."

"You don't have to apologize, Tessa." He replied.

Sebastian then paused for a moment, seeming like he was thinking about what he was going to say next.

"I have feelings for you, Tessa." He said suddenly. "That's what I was going to tell you last night. But I've been thinking - really thinking - and I don't think you're ready for a relationship. I'm not saying I'm right or anything, that's just the vibe I get from you."

She swallowed, her cheeks reddening at his confession. "What makes you think that?"

Sebastian smiled knowingly. "I see the way you look at Will. You love him, don't you?"

"I - well - yeah, I do." Tessa sighed, and then looked up at him. "I think I also have feelings for you, too, but you're right. I'm not ready for anything. I don't want to hold you back, Sebastian. If you meet someone who develop feelings for you I want you to go for it."

"Because you don't think you'll move on from Will anytime soon." Sebastian finished, giving her another knowing smile.

Tessa only looked away from, clenching her coffee cup. She wished that his words weren't true - she very much wanted to move on from Will. How was it possible for her to be so completely in love with him after all of the terrible things he had done to her? That was how Tessa know that she really was in love with Will, because if she hadn't of been, she wouldn't have stuck around.

"He's tearing you apart, isn't he?" Sebastian asked, looking at her deeply.

Tessa looked back at him. "You know, sometimes we get along and everything's great, but more often than not, we don't. And when we don't talk, I feel like I'm empty inside. Like something is missing inside of me. I wish I could feel complete without him but he's become so much of what I am and who I am and-" She cut off realizing that she was rambling.

Tessa blushed, feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear this."

"It's alright." Sebastian said. "You have to get it all our sometime."

She sighed. "He just doesn't care you know? About me, about anyone. And I can't handle that. I can't handle knowing that I mean nothing to him and the fact that if I suddenly went away he wouldn't even care."

"I don't think that's true." Sebastian said, surprising her. "I've seen the way Will looks at you, too. I think he cares about you in his own twisted way. Will - he's just a hard person to get along with and I'm not sure what made him that way."

I do, Tessa thought, thinking of Will's father. Tessa looked down at her coffee, suddenly feeling like she were going to be sick. How was she going to survive without Will? How was she going to handle it when she saw him with other girls? How could she just sit back and watch it happen? She had so many questions, but no answers.