Today's the day. You're going to do it. You've waited for too long.
You and Ashton used to be so in love. You could feel it everyday. When he held your hand. When you would cuddle at night. The way he used to laugh at all your horrible jokes. But then tour started.
You were never alone together. He didn't call you every night just to say he loved you and couldn't wait to see you. There was nothing left. You had cried so many nights, knowing that you would have to let go of me.
You wanted to tell him, face to face. He had gotten back from tour for a week a few hours ago. You tried to be happy. Happy to see him again. But as soon as you saw him, you found yourself crying. You played it off. Told him they were happy tears.
But you knew it was for the lost love you were letting go of. The guy you had loved so much.
You had driven home from the airport
in silence. Ashton was too tired to talk and you just couldn't look at him without crying. Ashton climbed up the steps to your shared home while you trailed behind, stopping to look at the house.
"You coming?" Ashton asked you. You felt that feeling in your chest, like the life was being squeezed out of you. You felt a tear slip down your face. "Y/N...." Ashton dropped his bags and came in to hug you, but you knew that couldn't stay. No matter how bad you wanted to. You couldn't take it anymore.
You backed away from his warm embrace that you wanted so bad. "Ash...I-I...I can't do this anymore." You said in between sobs. Ashton's face dropped as he realized what you were saying. "No. Please don't leave me. I need you, Y/N." He choked on his words, the hot tears threatening to spill from his eyes.
"Ashton. Please don't make this hard on me. You're always so busy on tour and we never have time anymore. I can't keep holding on to you when you're so far away. I don't want to keep crying myself to sleep without you here. You're living your life. I have to live mine."
You finish the sentence barely able to stand. Your bags are upstairs, already packed. You push past a speechless Ashton. He says nothing. He can't argue. Everything you said was true.
You haul your bags out the door, taking the car Ashton bought for you on your third anniversary. As you close the trunk, digging through your pocket for the keys, Ashton speaks up. "I'll always love you, Y/N. And I'll never stop loving you. Don't tell me to move on. Because I can't. I love you more than you'll ever know." You finally find your keys and look at Ashton. There's already red lines under his eyes and his hair is still a mess from the airport.
You want to kiss him. To tell him that it's alright. That you would never love anyone as much as you loved him. "Goodbye Ashton." You barely get that sentence out. It's so hard to say. You get in the car and turn the key as you hear the low rumble of the car engine.
You look back in the mirror at the broken boy you love more than anything, fall to his knees, dropping his head into his hands as sobs shake his body. You take a deep breathe and pull your teary eyes back to the road.
"Not forever, Ashton. Not forever." You finish your sentence wishing he could hear you.
