Law and Order: Special Victims Unit Gangster

74. Eventually

"Juliana," Juliana's close friend Marlon called out. "Juliana!" he cried.

Marlon Ross was nearly dying of thirst in a jail cell, his hands desperately hanging out through the gaps between the bars. He was hungry, in every sense of the word. He was starved, deprived of just about everything, and hungry for life.
"Help me," he called to her. "Please, J. I'm dyin here."
Juliana could only look at him, frozen with fear. "I'm sorry, Marlon, I—I can't," she stammered fearfully.
"Please, man," he wheezed. "Ion have a lot of time," Marlon echoed.

He had a frightened and broken look in his eyes, a look that was begging for any sort of help at all. He looked dead inside, broken also in every sense of the word; but if one were to stand close to him, to look deeply into his eyes as Juliana did, a tiny flickering light of hope lived within his eyes, clinging on for dear life.
"I'm sorry, Marlon. I'm sorry," Juliana sobbed. "I can't help you. I wish—I wish—" she choked.
"Wishin ain't good enough, J!" another voice yelled angrily.
"C—C-Note?" Juliana asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, that's right. Remember me?" he snapped. "I'm the one you always forgot. The one you thought was the the strongest person ever, the one you said could handle anything!"
"I'm sorry," Juliana continued sobbing.
"Why?! Why'd you have to go and do this to us?!" another voice cried.
  "Mack?" Juliana asked.
  "Yeah. It's me. The only one that loved you," he nodded bitterly. "The one you abandoned!"
  "I–I'm sorry," she cried. "Ion know what to say!"
  "Then don't say anything. Nothing you said ever helped anyways," another male voice said.
  "No," Juliana whimpered quietly. "Sammy?"
  "Yeah. And don't go forgettin about me either," another voice scoffed. Mari's.
  "Mari. Mari, I'm sorry for what I did to you. All of you! I am," Juliana cried.
  "Not good enough!" Mari yelled. "We want our revenge, sis!" she roared, grabbing a helpless Juliana by the throat, banging her head roughly against the metal bars.
  "No! No!" Juliana screamed. "No, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
  "Not good enough for us, Juliana!" C-Note yelled, which echoed.
  "Nothing you could ever do would be good enough!" Victoria Vasquez screamed in anguish.
  "Mama?" Juliana cried out. "Mama! I'm so sorry, I'm sorry you died, I—I love you so much!"
  "I hate you! Yo ass ruined my life, Juliana!" K-Mac screamed.
  "All those years ago.... yo Daddy shoulda pulled out," her mother spat.
  "Mama," Juliana sobbed. "I'm sorry, I—none of us knew!"
  "Why?! Why, Juliana?!" Sammy sobbed hopelessly.
  "You can't escape them all, Elena," Oscar Martinez said coolly from behind Juliana.
  "Juliana!" Mari screamed out in pain.
  "Juliana! Juliana!" someone echoed.

Juliana couldn't tell; she was distracted by all the pain. She woke with a start, sobbing and sobbing away.
  "No, no," she whispered. "No. Why?"
  "Shhhh. It's okay, I promise," Rafael Barba promised. "You're fine. I'm driving here with you, Juliana."
  "Oh, my God. Dios mio," Juliana mumbled fearfully. "It was horrible."
  "I know. But it's all over now, okay?" he reassured her.
  Juliana nodded slowly. "Yeah, okay. Okay," she whispered to herself.
  "I know. I still have dreams about mi abuelita sometimes. The truth is, ya never get used to it," he sighed.
  "They bad dreams?" Juliana asked curiously.
  "Sometimes. Sometimes they're just sad," Rafael responded.
  "I'm sorry," Juliana sighed.
  "Hey. You have nothing to apologize for, never to me," Rafael promised, kissing the top of her head as she moved even closer to him. "Do you wanna tell me about the dream?"
  Juliana shook her head slowly. "No. I just wanna go back to sleep.
  "Okay," Rafael nodded understandingly as he stroked her hair gently. "Okay. I love you," he whispered.
  "I love you," Juliana repeated.

It was nice to hear the words after a bad dream, or a bad day. Love was just a good solution to bad things in general. Juliana laid beside Rafael, burying herself in his shirt, trying to soothe herself back to sleep. She began to feel a slight sense of relief within a few minutes, which Rafael Barba could feel as well. He had decided to stay awake in order to make sure Juliana was feeling okay. But she wasn't.
  "I should've done more," Juliana sobbed quietly. "My mama, she.... she just died one day, from a pre existing condition. I could've done something, I should've. I'm the oldest."
  "Juliana, baby...." Rafael began. "It was one of those sneaky ass heart conditions. No one could've caught it, you did the best you could."
  "I didn't know, Rafi, it's just.... we should've looked out for her more," she sighed.
  "Mi amor, she was perfectly content with what you all did for her; it had to happen eventually. I had to accept this when I lost mi abuelita. I know it's not easy," Rafael explained. 
  "I—I guess," Juliana stuttered. "I mean, I can't change anything now."
  "Right. You didn't do anything wrong, Juliana. You don't deserve to feel guilty," Rafael whispered. "Think you can sleep?"
  Juliana sighed. "Yeah. Thank you, mi vida. You mean the world to me."
  "And you to me," he sighed, relieved.

Both of them began to ease back into a state of relaxation, only to hear one of their children crying.
  "It's Chris," Rafael sighed. "Oh, Lena's awake now too. Do you want me to go and get him, or do you not wanna be alone?"
  "Why don't we go together?" Juliana suggested exhaustedly.
  "Sure."

They slowly rolled out of bed, opening the bedroom door and walking toward the nursery.
  "Oh, oh, it's okay, mi corazon," Juliana Barba whispered to her crying daughter. "You're just a little hungry, I know."
  Rafael stood beside her as he slowly rocked his son to sleep. "You'll be okay, Chris," he promised him in a hushed tone. "Our whole family will be, eventually."