A Cup Of Tea

a cup of weight gain

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Disclaimer:
I am in no way saying that gaining weight is a bad thing (as long as it is healthy), I also don't mean to offend anyone or make anyone feel insecure. This is simply me talking about my struggles related to this topic so if you can't relate at all and/or have 0 understanding for my POV then you can just skip this chapter.
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First of all lets clear up some misconceptions:

•Skinny people can be insecure about their weight !

•Being underweight/skinny doesn't equal having an eating disorder !

•Underweight people can be scared of gaining weight !

There are probably more similar to those and each of them could spark a rant session but for now the third point is what I really want to talk about. "Underweight people can be scared of gaining weight"

Now this might seem ridiculous because lets face it the beauty standards these days are moving away from the "show-us-every-bone-you've-got" trend and as much as weight isnt the only factor to consider when judging someone's health there is a reason why a HEALTHY weight exists. Being underweight doesn't have to be problematic and unhealthy  but it sure can be and should not be something you would want to achieve. But WHO says that insecurities have to be reasonable, right?

With that being said lets get into a little bit of a back story to help you understand why I even bother to type this whole thing and say the shit I say. So I've been underweight pretty much all my life. I am not even kidding like I was born about a month early and didn't even weigh 2kg. I guess after that my body just grew too fast for my weight to keep up so I eventually ended up always being the super skinny lanky kid (yay). Pair a fast metabolism with an unusual growth spurt that doesn't stop until age 14 and you get a free "you should probably eat more..." at every check up with your school doctor! What a deal! Alright so I stopped gaining cm at age 14 but I sure gained a few kg after that. And that's where things started to feel a little off. I mean yea of course there is the whole thing of being a teenager that makes your body change pretty drastically and that can already be a mess on its own. But honestly that doesn't bother me as much as gaining weight does because my body just feels so different from what it used to. And I literly mean feels because you go from feeling bones to flesh/fat/whatever. See it's not even that I am seriously concerned about it being unhealthy (it obviously isn't ... I still have a looong way to go to even get close to going from "under" to "over") but it feels wrong. It just does. I was always the skinny one to the point where it became a part of who I am. Now getting closer and closer to the average weight makes me feel like I am losing a big part of what people know me as. A big part of what I know myself as. Which is utterly toxic and messed up because your weight should never define you. 1) because there is SO much more that makes a person who they are and 2) because it fr can change from one day to another. However in my mind there is this line between underweight aka familiar territory and "healthy"/average weight aka foreign grounds. It's honestly not even the few kg more on my body that make me anxious. It's stepping over that very stupid line my mind created for myself.

What also is pretty contra productive is smart asses preaching that "it is healthy!" and "that's nOrMal" because wow I was TOTALLY unaware of that. You really opened my eyes there. Absolutely did not make me feel even more pathetic. 10/10 pep talk🙌🏻 Like I get what you were trying to do there and I actually do appreciate you trying to give me confidence but next time maybe don't step on my feelings like they are nothing even if they might not be 100% reasonable? Just a thought...

Anyhow that's pretty much all I have to say. I hope it made any sense at all and if you can relate then I'm sorry I guess?? But you officially are not alone so I hope that gives you some comfort.

Stay healthy, eat well & fuck BMIs,
My still somewhat lanky self