All Lights On Us

C3: Breaking Out

Klara

I feel caught up in the most epic, fast paced romance. I know how I feel. But it's too fast, and it should slow down. 

But I don't want it to.

I asked Bishop to take me home after leaving his mother's room. He looked confused, but agreed right away. He obviously doesn't want to push me, so why am I acting pushed? I've wanted everything that has happened between us for the past five years. If I had just woman'd up before and stopped hiding from him, we could have built a relationship by now. I feel like he hardly knows me, while I know everything about him. 

He had pulled up to my trailer, walked me to the door, and checked if my mother was on a rampage. She hadn't been. Some how, she had taken the car to get liquor and was passed out on the couch. Thinking about her driving in the state she was likely in makes me cringe. The car was parked like shit. 

Bishop had shaken his head at the image of my mother on the couch. He stroked my face, told me to call if I needed anything. I grinned, let him kiss me on the cheek, and scurried into the house. 

Now, it's the next day and I'm sitting in my bed listening to thought provoking songs. They help me work out the confusion in my head. It's often when my head and heart battle over even the tiniest of things. 

I quickly come to the conclusion that I'm not good enough for Bishop. I went through a few stages. The first started with me doing a brutal work out, thinking that maybe then I would be worthy of dating a ten. But now, I'm still sad... just sad and sweaty. 

Thoughts of my father cross my mind, but I'm quick to think of something else. Like Bishop's eyelashes. So dark, so beautiful. 

Tell Me You Love Me by Demi Lovato creeps through my speakers and I face palm. 

"Cause you ain't no body till you got somebody," I sing along, tearing up.

Damn her and her lyrical genius. I glance outside and it's dark. Before I can think, I snatch my phone up and send a message to Bishop.

Sup? -Klara xo

Really Klara? Sup? What am I doing? Stone Cold by Demi plays through my speakers and I immediately regret sending the message. I don't want my heart broken, damn it!

Miss me already? -Cade

That's weird. His name is Cade in my phone. He had taken my phone to put his number in and I didn't even notice his contact name. He had sent a message to his own phone from mine, and the conversation saved in my iMessages. 

Ha, ya right! You wish. -Klara 

You down for an adventure? -Cade

Ummm, sure? -Klara

Then come down. -Cade

I shoot off my bed and look out the window to see Bishop leaning against his bike. I signal to him that I'll be a minute and scurry around for clothes. I toss on black jeans and a black crop hoodie that reads Yes, I'm Fat. I go the shirt made last year when people kept letting me know I was wearing a crop top. I only wear crops with high wasted pants, so I don't see why it seems to trigger every one else so much. So I made the sweater, and now when people point out the obvious, I just point at the words. 

I slip on some black knee high heeled boots and pull my hair up into a pony tail. Everything I put on will make the motorcycle ride much easier. 

I tip toe down the stairs and hear my mother clinging around in the kitchen. I sneak across the hall, trying to stay invisible.