My Silly Mistake

Part Nine

Have you ever been in a situation where you thought only one person could help you only to find out that that particular person turns against you and just says harsh words that break you?.

Well Broken.

Broken. Is what I feel right now at the moment. Broken and shattered. How can she say that to me. I try to speak but nothing comes out. My throat feels dry and choked.

I swallow hard as I struggle to form the words. "W-what are you saying Joan?" I can feel the stinging in my eyes and the tears threatening to fall out any minute.

"Oh please." She begins hotly. "Just stop playing innocent here. You know what if you were sick of me, you should have just told me instead of using that as an excuse to abandon me. " I shut my eyes tightly unable to contain her words. The tears roll down my cheeks like streams of water and my chest just aches madly. I let out a sniff and sob uncontrollably my lips trembling.

What on earth is she saying? I never wanted to abandon her. I mean it's been so many years since I started looking after her and never has that thought ever crossed my mind. I try my best to make her happy and give her every single thing she needed and all she ever does is yell at me when I need her the most?!

"That's a lie! " I scream already taken enough. I can't hold it anymore. "Joan I'll never leave you" I say softly.

"Just shut up!" She snaps. My eyebrows immediately shoot up at her outburst. Who on earth must have brainwashed her like this? The aching in my chest increases  and I feel my eyes swell. "You know what Emmanuella I'm better of without you so just stay where you are!"

I flinch at he words and this time I  find myself weeping uncontrollably. "Jo-"

Dead line.

I pull the phone from my ear and stare at the phone. My vision is blurred due to my tears and my heart gives away this constriction. How can she say those harsh things to me? She doesn't need me? But why? She doubts me. Oh my God! 

My sorrow is immediately replaced with anger as I start to blame everything on me. I start throwing things in my way across the room. One of the items makes a shattering noise but I'm too engrossed in my pain to care. I fall down on my bed hiding my face in my pillow.

I hate myself. This is all my fault. It's my fault she's hurting. Its my fault she doesn't want me back. It's my fault I'm  here its my fault I agreed to go to that mall it's my fault that I slept off....dammit! Everything is my fault! I angrily pound my fists on the soft mattress screaming into the pillows. Someone tell me this is a dream and assure me that I'll wake up anytime soon. Somebody pinch me!

Realization hits me like a knife as I replay her last words. She called me Emmanuella and not Emma.

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I wake up hissing a bit at the headache that greets me. I look out the window, it's dark. I sit up looking at my now disoriented room. Memories stream in my mind and I immediately push them back when I feel my eyes tearing up again. I walk to the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. My hair looked dishevelled, my eyes puffy and red my cheeks looked like they have been soaked in blood.

I looked horrible!

I huff and wash my face. It still doesn't make a difference. I'm not in the mood to look good or anything it's not like anyone would notice. I step out of the room and descend the stairs moving towards the kitchen. I don't know why but I just feel like making something. Who knows maybe it will distract for a bit. I open the refrigerator and take out the ingredients.... Lasagna, I think I should make that.