I'm In Love Again

Ryder

*Sin's POV*

  I paced the living room nervously, awaiting to hear a knock on the front door. "Babe, everything is gonna go just fine."

  Chris attempted to calm me from his spot on the couch, but his voice was almost completely drowned out by New Year's Day's song Bloody Mary blasting in one ear.

  "I don't know what to say to him, Chris!" I cried in fear. "Just let him ask you stuff," he suggested, "and give him answers." "But what if he asks why I gave him up?" I asked, about to cry.

  Chris sighed and stood, pulling me into his arms. "Then you'll think of something, Sin." I tried to relax myself, but there was a knock on the door.

  Normally, the girls would've run to see who it was, but I asked Jealousy and Ricky to watch them while I met Susie and Ryder.

  I walked to the door and straightened my outfit, a purple T-shirt with ripped black skinnies, then opened the door. "Hi, Sin?" Susie asked, and I nodded. "Come on in." I invited them.

  Chris was standing in the doorway of the living room, looking like a statue. A Gothic, sexy statue, that is. "Susie, this is my husband, Chris." I introduced them.

  "Hello, I'm Susie." she greeted him, a little afraid to try shaking his hand, "And this little man behind me is Ryder." I looked down at the six year old clinging to Susie.

  Just like my father, he had light brown hair, with bright blue eyes. He did have my nose, though. I didn't get my nose from either of my parents, I know that much.

  "Hey there." I said, squatting to his level. "Hi.." he replied quietly. "May I shake your hand, sweetheart?" I asked him, and he held out his small hand shyly, so I shook it.

  "He does know I'm his mom?" I mouthed to Susie, and she nodded. "Why don't we all come sit in the living room?" I offered, and Chris spun around, going to sit in his recliner.

  Susie and Ryder followed me into the living room, both sitting on the couch, whereas I remained standing, feeling too awkward to sit. "Ryder, don't you wanna ask her anything?" Susie tried with the boy.

  He looked at me, and I could tell he was just as nervous as I was. "It's okay honey, you can ask me anything." I told him, forcing a smile onto my face that I hoped like genuine.

  "Are you really my mommy?" he asked quietly. "Yes, sweetheart, I am." I responded. "Then why didn't you keep me?" he asked, tears forming. My heart sank, and I was clueless as to how to answer.

  "I couldn't, baby, I'm so sorry..." was all I could manage. He looked absolutely brokenhearted. "You didn't love me?" Ryder asked. I bit my lip before answering, and in my peripheral I saw Chris raise an eyebrow.

  "Of course I did, Ryder." I told him, reaching an arm out to him to hold him. He looked up at Susie as if seeking approval, which she gave. "Go on."

  He looked over at me again, then dove into my arms, crying. I held him tightly, looking at Chris to see his reaction. He was on his phone. I looked back at Susie as I smoothed Ryder's hair, unsure what would comfort him.

  Susie pantomimed rocking him, which I immediately did. After a moment, he began to calm down. "Ryder, do you wanna ask her anything else?" Susie spoke after a long, awkward silence of my son laying in my arms.

  Ryder looked up at me and sniffled. "Can I see you again?" he asked me. Fuck. That I did not think I would hear. "Umm..." I looked at Chris again, hoping he was now paying attention.

He was.

  Chris shrugged at me, then nodded at Ryder. I think I understood now how the silent treatment felt, and I've only been getting it for about 20 minutes. "Yeah, Ryder, we can see each other again." I told him.

  "Really?" he asked excitedly, "Can I see you tomorrow?" I giggled at him. "Um, maybe, sweetheart. I'll talk to... Susie?" I was unsure what Ryder called her. "Mom." Ryder corrected me. "I'll talk to your mom about things okay?" I offered.

  "Okay!" he squealed, hugging me. It felt so strange to hug him. One reason being I hadn't even seen him since I had him, and another being he was also my father's child.

  We said goodbyes, for now, and then Susie and Ryder left. "That was..." I murmured, sitting on the couch. Chris moved to the couch beside me, and put his arm around me, kissing the side of my head.

  "At least he doesn't hate me." I mumbled. "And he wants to see you again." Chris added, and I nodded, though his lips were still buried in my hair.