Amanda's murder a #dark Simanda story

Chapter 3:The true feeling of grief

Simon's POV:

When i sat ther in the back of the ambulance next to gourney that my beautifull lifeless Amanda was laying on and while i held her hand i truly experienced the true feeling of grief for the first time.

I was still waiting for her to maybe unexpectedly squeeze into my hand after all.

Although i knew she would never squeeze into my hand or kiss me again.

I still hoped that i was dreaming all of this and that my beautifull Amanda or Mandy as i would often call her would soon wake up and still be alive.

But the harsh reality was that she was murdered and so was the part of my heart that died with her when i found her laying there in that big puddle of her own blood.

I knew that i was never going to get either of them back.

Not Amanda and certainly not that specific part of my heart. 

But i knew i just had to fight to live another day.

Not only for myself but most importantly and in the first place for our beautifull children our amazing unborn twins and Amanda's daughters /  my stephdaughters Hollie and Lexi an my / son / Amanda's stephson Eric.

But it wasn't easy to face life without her.

Without my Mandy

 the mother / stephmother of our childeren and stephchildren.

The lights in and of my life and heart.

The paramedics gave me an emphatizing  smile and i faintly smiled back.

I stood up and kissed my Mandy on her beautifull lips and for a moment i thought  that i saw her eyelids move but i soon learned thatthis was a beautifull protective piece of my imagination that my breain had created to protect myself from my shattered heart.

Wich i was extremly thankfull for at that moment because i had so much to arrange and do and cope with.

Oh Amand i allready feel like your widower eventhough we never got married.

The thoug of our non- excisting  marriage broke my heart even more.

How i wish that we would have gotten married.

That i would be your husband that would never harm you in any way.

Oh gosh Mandy i miss you allready more than i can say.

With every turn that the ambulance takes / makes my heart makes / takes a turn as well.

Sometimes for the better, but mostly for the worse.

Reminiscing about you isn't going to bring you back and i know that but it still keeps you alive in some way.

And that's all i need right now.