Being Bleu

Chapter 9

--------Bleu--------

My mom paused in her walking, balancing perfectly on her sky-high shiny heels. There was a frown etched onto her face; the only form of expression I ever got from the robot I grudgingly called "mom". I was provoking her by lying about Axel and I living together and being madly in love. Okay, maybe I did have feelings for him that were totally wrong and unlike me, but that wasn't the point. I was saying all that crap because I wanted to make my mom mad. In the eighteen years of my life, I'd never really seen my mother express emotion. I never understood why, but our whole family just kept everything bottled inside. I wanted to see her get so angry and scream at me for once. I just wanted to know that she was alive, that she wasn't just a ghost wandering the intricately decorated halls of our huge, lonely home. My plan didn't work, though, of course.

"Okay, I guess you will be sharing your old room, then," was all she said before walking away, leaving Axel and I staring behind her. Well, actually, Axel was staring at me with a questioning expression about what had just happened. I ignored him and growled profanities under my breath as I made my way to my old room, which was on the second floor of the house. Our luggage had been carefully placed on the wooden floor of my room by one of our many servants. I don't know why mother thought it was necessary having people do her chores.

"Can you please tell me what's going on?" Axel asked, leaning in my doorway. I was digging in my oversized duffle bag for some pajamas that didn't come from Victoria's Secret and look skimpy. When I told my mom that Axel and I were sharing a room, I didn't actually think of the consequences and I hadn't packed much "appropriate" clothing to be sleeping in the same room as Axel.

"Well, I'm about to take a shower. You can read a book or something," I said, gesturing to my huge bookshelves filled with my favorite novels. Axel rolled his eyes and huffed at me,

"That's not what I mean, kid," Again with the 'kid' nickname. He seemed to only call me that when he was aggrivated.

"Looks like we're sharing a room, big boy," I said with a sarcastic smile. I patted on his rock-hard chest as I passed him to get to the bathroom. I was so not in the mood for an Axel-filled night at that moment.

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I emerged from my steam-filled bathroom about an hour later to find Axel sprawled out on my bed. He had his hands behind his head and the covers pulled up to his bare chest as if he actually thought he was going to sleep in my bed. I pounced on the bed and shook him awake from his light doze. He glared at me with sleepy eyes when he was fully awake.

"Get out of my bed," I commanded, trying to push him off but failing. Instead, he rolled over and pinned me to the mattress with his heavy arms. I whined and struggled against him much to Axel's amusement. He buried his head on my exposed shoulder and relaxed against me as if I wasn't kicking and punching at him.

"We're madly in love and can't stand to be apart for more than a few minutes, remember?" he teased. I dug my nails into his back and he pretended not to notice, so I gave up.

"I hate you," I growled and Axel chuckled.

He answered, "Sweet dreams, my love" and I found myself actually wishing he meant those words.

--------Axel-----------

A strange feeling brushing across my chest jolted me from my sleep. It took a moment for me to get past the haziness of just waking up and realize that it was Bleu's cold little fingers tapping against me. I don't think she was trying to wake me up; she was just touching me. Her chest was pressed against my side and I could feel her heart fluttering quickly as if she had a bird trapped inside of her. Her fingers were tracing an odd pattern against my skin and I suppressed a shiver because I didn't want to wake her up. If she knew I was awake, she wouldn't be touching me or even lying next to me and I liked her there.

I opened my eyes when I felt something wet dripping down my arm. Bleu's face was snuggled up against me, so it could have only come from her. When I looked, down I saw that she was crying.

"Bleu, what's wrong?" I asked. At the sound of my voice, she quickly shot up and moved to the other side of the bed, dragging her blankets with her. She stared at me with huge wet eyes and a shocked expression.

"I didn't know you were awake," She mumbled, wiping roughly at the tears with her palms. I pulled her back to me and took her hands gently away from her face. To my surprise, she let me, so I pulled her to my lap and hugged her tight.

"Are you okay Bleu? I mean, about your dad and everything?" I asked softly. Bleu had yet to shed a tear about everything that was going on, and I was worried about her. She was acting more angry than sad about everything, as always. Why couldn't she express the right emotions besides anger all the time?

"It's not about my dad," she whispered, speaking against my neck where her face was pressed. Her hair tickled my chin and I pushed it away impatiently.

"What is it then?" I asked her. She pulled away and looked at me with the same shiny eyes. I knew she hated crying in front of me- she was just that type of person.

"I-" She started, but interrupted herself. Bleu dove forward and crashed her lips to mine in a hard kiss. I was shocked and confused by her, as always but I didn't protest even as I felt more tears soak its way through our kisses. Bleu's hands were curled at my back as if she wanted to claw me and she wouldn't stop crying about whatever it was that was bothering her. With an loud sigh I pulled away from her and she made an aggravated sound and the back of her throat, which I ignored. We seriously needed to talk about everything that was going on between us. This was the second time she'd kissed me but we'd never even talked about whether or not we had feelings for each other. I dropped my head onto the pillow and stared at the blank ceiling. Why did Bleu have to be so confusing?

"Let's talk, Bleubird," I finally said and she climbed off my lap to sit next to me, "We kiss like that and then you push me away. You don't want me touching you and then you do. You're angry and then you're emotionless. Bleu, you confuse me, especially when you tell me that you don't trust me and things like that. I feel like you're messing with me, and playing around with my feelings. I'm not your toy,"

"Feelings?" she asked, cocking her head to the side like a confused dog. I dragged my hand across my face and blew out a long breath.

"Yes, Bleu, feelings-for you," I told her and her eyes widened. More tears gathered there and I was afraid she would start crying again, but she smiled which shocked me.

"I didn't realize....I mean, why didn't you say anything? That would've made my life a bit easier if I'd known. I didn't mean to hurt you Axel, I thought you saw me as some naive child who started crushing on you the minute we met," she whispered shakily. My heart flip-flopped. Bleu just pretty much admitted she had feelings for me, stronger than friendship. She crawled back onto my lap and planted a wet kiss on my cheek.

"I was crying because I thought you didn't love me Axel," she whispered later on in the night when the lights were out and we were wrapped in each other's warm embraces. Bleu was wrong, though, I would always love her........