Because Of You

Six - The Positives and The Negatives

My week after that Sunday morning was a terrible week, Jen spent the week teasing me, and I spent the time wondering whether or not I would ever get a damn phone call. They made me pee in a cup and then they just told me to go on with my life – without having any form of sex with another person – and that they'd call me when my results were in. I was sort of sickeningly anxious about it, but I was sort of really chilled too. Most of the time I just told myself that the results weren't going to change no matter how I panicked, but I was also itching to get my results just praying that I was going to come back negative.

It was all made worse by Jen teasing me like nothing else, I hadn't done this before, I had spent four years sleeping with one guy and one only, never once had either of us had an STI. We weren't born with them; therefore we never got them, because until he dumped me in April I had only ever slept with him and he had only ever slept with me. 

Then four months passed and I had managed to sleep with twice as many guys than I probably would have in half of the time I was in a relationship with Gerard. God I had fucked up. What had happened?

I finally got the call at six on Wednesday evening, telling me I could come in the next day from eight in the morning. Neither Jen nor I started work until midday on Thursday, so we decided to get breakfast and coffee from Costa on our way.

"Chill Frank." She laughed as we walked out of the coffee shop, carrying cups of coffee in our hands and as soon as I was out of the door, I lit a cigarette between my lips.

"I am chill," I laughed as I stuffed my lighter and cigarettes into my pockets before lifting my hand up to take the cigarette out of my mouth, blowing out smoke and then continuing. "I'm just ready to get the results; I've been waiting four days Jen."

"I know," She laughed blowing at the smoke which the wind was blowing her way. "It's been funny watching you worry about it."

"Why is this happening Jen." I whined with a very heavy sigh as I breathed out more cigarette smoke and stared down at my scuffed vans on my feet.

"Nothing's happened yet babe." She chuckled linking her arm with mine as she took a mouthful of her tea.

"I would put money on me having Chlamydia right now."

"You think?" She asked looking at me like that surprised her.

"Oh come on," I laughed, "Of course luck is never on my side Jen."

"At least it's not AIDs." She laughed looking at me like that was a perfectly reasonable comment when I turned to her with a slightly horrified look.

"It's not a joke Jen."

"I know, I'm not laughing, I'm just saying a round of antibiotics will kill Chlamydia, AIDs will kill you."

"You okay great, well it still sucks." I sighed staring miserably at the top of my coffee cup, things had really gone to shit for me, and I felt like I was just a colossal fuck up recently.

"I know," She smiled at me as she leaned on my shoulder and continued to walk in time with me with her arm linked with mine. "I've got you Frankie." She smiled quietly.

We walked in silence for a while after that as I just stared at the top of my coffee cup letting my mind run free as I just appreciated Jen's presence more than I could really tell her. I didn't really know where I'd be without her, she was a very important person in my life and I didn't really tell her. I mean she knew it, and I told her I loved her, but I didn't really know how to let her know she was like the fucking scaffolding that held my life up half the time.

She was also the one who got me to this point, because she had made me go out when I met Alessio and well Alessio caused this. But she was also the reason I wasn't homeless, that I hadn't become a waste away alcoholic and hadn't just killed myself from neglecting to look after myself. So I couldn't really hate her that much. We fucked each other up and then we fixed each other, in all it balanced out. She took me ten steps forward and one step back every now and again, but it least it wasn't one step forward and ten steps back.