Because Of You

Thirty One - An Enigma

"Hey um," I started to speak loud and clear before I suddenly fell much quieter and just turned to Gerard right next to me, "C-can I talk to you?" I asked him, I sort of wanted everyone to hear but equally I really didn't.

"Oh sure." He nodded with a knowing and slightly amused smile. Then he turned back to the table looking a little blanker and more careless, like he hadn't just smiled at me like he did.

I don't know what the fuck we were doing really, but we were sort of hiding from everyone. Since we had walked and talked on the beach the other day the tension and the hovering obvious dislike and angst between us was well and truly gone and everyone had noticed. We hadn't however done anything amongst the group to make anyone think we had done anything but bury the hatchet and patch up our differences. As far as the rest of the table were concerned we were just friends again, talking a little, being civil and having a laugh but not really engaging all that much, not as we did with the others.

That wasn't the case. I mean we weren't exactly back together, we actually hadn't really spoken about that at all, no we were just talking and spending time together. Staying up until three in the morning, kissing and talking about everything and nothing all at once, we were everything we had been; straight away it was right back to how it had always been. And we'd had sex multiple times. And also casually told each other how much we weren't over it and that we'd made a huge mistake, oh and that we still loved each other. Yet nobody else knew that. It was literally like a secret and it would seem we were actively trying to make it seem like nothing was going on. I really didn't know why the fuck we were trying to hide it.

"Yeah, l-let's walk?" I smiled at him and he just smiled casually back at me in agreement standing up just after I did.

"See you guys in a bit." Gerard looked back at the table with a smile as I too waved at Phil, Becca and Oli - Dan was at the bar getting more drinks.

We walked quietly as we left the table; me smiling awkwardly at my feet as I shoved my hands into my pockets, Gerard walked behind me. He was laughing at me, I could hear him and I had seen that amused smile across his cheeks the second we had started walking away from the table. I didn't say anything though until we were on the path down towards the beach where I was leading him.

"You alright babe?" Gerard asked when we were well out of earshot and we were out of sight too. I had no doubt all three of them would have been blatantly staring at us for every second they could see us, but we were out of sight heading down the path to the beach which was surrounded by six foot grass.

When he spoke I couldn't help but smile like a fucking idiot down at my feet, unable to reply to him for a moment as I just grinned at my feet. We'd spent four years calling each other 'babe' and 'baby' or Gerard always used to call me 'pumpkin' I wondered if I even noticed when he said it, if I was just so used to it that it was just my name. But it meant something, because I knew Gerard and he over thought everything he said most of the time, if we were still mad at each other or even were just civil friends, habit or not, that would not have slipped out by accident. It was funny he'd already told me in the last few days he still loved me, you'd think that would mean the most, that I wouldn't care what he called me. But it made me happy.

I turned around, my hands still in my pockets but my head lifted as I just smiled happily at him, the wide loving smile I knew I wouldn't be able to wipe off my face.

"Is that a yes?" He started laughing as he looked at me with a happy but slightly confused look in his eyes.

"Yes." I laughed too, the wide smile just widening as I giggled and glanced down at my feet again which were currently walking me backwards. "I wanted to show you something."