I AM JIM - Spock/Kirk Story

chapter 6 - tango

Jim was crying. She was aware of this fact. She was also aware that she was crying in Spock's bed, in Spock's arms with her head buried in the hollow of his neck. She had a hard time comprehending the fact that Spock was holding her. Hell, he was comforting her. She thought that he would step away from physical contact, but evidently, she was wrong.

When she saw Spock in that bar, she felt overwhelmed. He knelt in front of her, brought her knees back together, took her face in his insanely warm and soft hands (that felt so good) and that was the moment (Jim was vaguely aware) when she started crying. Tears were falling down her face and she couldn't do anything to stop them. She was powerless.

Memory of her best friend Bones was blurry on her. Everything else was blurry. That loud crazy bar. People she hung out with. Her best friend's voice saying something about her not having an alcohol poisoning...

The only thing that was perfectly clear was Spock.

She remembers the tiny frown that appeared between his brows when she wouldn't (couldn't) respond to his question. She remembers the not so subtle widening of his pupils when the tears started falling. She remembers how gentle he was when he carried out of that stupid bar and she also remembers that she clung onto him when he tried to lay her on the backseat.

He could have said no. He could have just put her down and ignore her for the rest of the ride home. He had every right to do that. After all, Vulcans didn't like anyone in their personal space. Yet, he stayed with her. Why?

She remembers his long thin fingers going through her knotted hair that looked more like a birds nest that her actual hair. She remembers how not shy he was when he was rubbing comforting circles on her back. Then she remembers those strong hands lifting her up again. She vaguely remembers a short walk to his quarters and then once in his bedroom, he lowered her down on the soft sheets.

She remembers feeling cold. She felt alone. Lonely. She was alone her entire life. She didn't want to be alone anymore. With cat like reflexes she caught his arm. She begged him not to leave her alone. She begged. She never begged for anything in her life. Not even on Tarsus. She didn't beg in the worst moments of her life. So why? Why did a simple touch of his warm, gentle, soft skin caused such a breakdown?

He could have said no. He should have said no. She was prepared to be rejected. But then he took off her heels and then took off his boots and he climbed into bed next to her. She snuggled into the warmth he provided. And when the feeling of safe kicked in, she broke down. Tears started falling down again but this time they were followed with a heard wrecking sobbing.

Spock wasn't sure why he did what he did.

Why was he so worried when Nyota told him she insulted the Capitan? He knew Jim is capable of defending herself in any situation even when heavily inhibited. His heart almost stopped when doctor McCoy said she might harm herself. His hard stopped when he saw her in that bar, dressed in that figure hugging dress, knees parted, parted in particular way that everyone could see what type of underwear she wore. He saw. He also didn't want anyone else seeing. He leaped across the floor, crouched down in front of her, brought her knees back together (because it was inappropriate for a Capitan to behave this way, or at least, that's what he was telling himself) and took her face in his hands.

As soon as he did that, the tears started falling. Hot, wet, sad tears.

She couldn't walk so he carried her out. That's the only reason he did that. Not because he wanted to feel her soft skin on his again. Or because he wanted to show everyone in that bar that she is not available. Or because he saw a few male guys giving her lustful looks. No. He carried her only because he was worried she might pass out. Or hurt herself.  Those were the only reasons. There could be no other.... Right?