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MAYBE I'M AVOIDING texting Kylian but what different does it make. He's all up in the World Cup bubble and I'm as far from it as possible.
Apparently this guilt is constantly after me; isn't it one thing so is it the other. Kylian was there for me and helped me through my worst but here am I ignoring him when he is having his big moment of happiness.
I should probably at least text him, asking if he's okay and how he's doing. Right?!
July 26th 3.41 pm
A: Hey stranger. How is life going? I heard something about the World Cup, why didn't you tell me before?!
July 27th 10.03 am
K: Hello lovely. It's amazing, I'm living the best of life. If you haven't heard, maybe your sailing is keeping you offline, so did we win the World Cup. FRANCE WON AND I'M STILL NOT OVER IT!!
July 27th 1.36 pm
A: I'm so stupid and such a bad friend! Congratulations first of all! I don't know what to say, I have to realise that this time I can't take a recap, I'm sorry that I missed it.
July 27th 1.38 pm
K: Angel, don't worry. I don't need you to watch me play for us to be friends. I can't sail and you're fine with that.
A: Yeah...
A: I've missed you Kylian.
July 27th 1.39 pm
K: I've missed you so much Angel, you don't even know the half of it.
A: I'm not going to lie, you make me actually miss Paris.
K: Should I take that as a compliment?!
A: stop. I know that your laughing at me
K: How could I not do anything less than adore you!
July 27th 1.41 pm
A: Can I ask you anything?
K: of course you can, what is it?
A: why do you like me?
K: because you aren't perfect but somehow you are it anyway, you make me feel like we together make perfect sense
July 27th 1.43 pm
A: I don't want us to become complicated but I just have to tell you this
A: say it a cliché but you make me feel like I'm a better version of myself...
July 27th 2.01 pm
A: Kylian, I love you. Not just as a friend.
K: you don't know how good it feels to hear that.
K: I wish that I could tell you this in person. Angel Maria Lopez, I love you to the bottom of my heart.
A: well that's a cliché line
A: ugh, you know that I try to laugh of nervous situations. I don't really know how to deal with this. I don't think that I've ever felt this type of strong connection to someone else.
K: Angel, everything is going to sort out. Let go of the control a little and everything will be fine, I promise you
That night it was different; those sweaty and hunting nightmares felt long gone. The dream was sweet and heartwarming, even though it wasn't really a dream and more of a memory.
I remember it as if it was yesterday and that's probably the reason why the dream was so realistic. I remember the exact music playing as I was laying in my vintage couch with my head on Kylian's chest as I closed my eyes and just admire the music playing on the speakers; Put Your Head on My Shoulder by Paul Anka and Never Forget You by Noisettes made me mouth the lyrics and tap my foot in the air to the sounds.
As I slowly wake up, I feel cozy in my warm bed while the sun peaks in through the small window into my bedroom as the sea is peaceful and still. Everything was just perfect, there was only one thing missing; Kylian. He is the one that always brings me happiness, no matter what. I'm stupid for not realising it until now.
He was alway there for me, no matter what and without wanting anything in return. I've been a total asshole towards him while he is doing nothing less than making sure that I'm happy as much as possible.
Do I even deserve him? It's frustrating! He says that he's happy when I'm around and he make me happy, but could someone that's not me make him happy and be a stable partner?! I don't know if I can ever be that, I'm still trying to figure out what I want in life and I'm still making those beginner mistakes.
I can't tell him how I feel right now, I need to make a decision if I'm going to be that stable partner or not before I tell him anything. We can't have that on and of relationship again, it's not healthy for either of us and it would just be like starting over where everything was a mess. Could me and Kylian work? Could we have a mature and stable relationship?
* * *
Anyone else that's upset about the summer break being officially over?
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