MerAdd Oneshots

I still love you (2)

"What do we do now?"

A question I didn't have the answer to. A question I wasn't even thinking about asking. But, alas, it was perhaps the most important question there was in this entire situation. What the hell were we supposed to do?

"Well, I don't know about you, but I can't get married" I state, leaning back into the couch. Addison and I had gone back to her house for some quiet and privacy while we discussed the most intricately difficult situation on the planet. "Even if you tell me to go fuck myself, I can't go back and marry Tess. My conscience won't let me" I knew this was true; Tess deserved more than to marry me.

"I don't want you to marry her" Addison admits, looking down at her fingers as she played with the hem of her shirt nervously. "I didn't want to say it, I didn't want to sound petty. But I don't want you to be with anyone else" she looks up at me, a vulnerability in her eyes that I haven't seen in a while. I just wanted to hold her and make it all okay again.

"Does that mean you want to get back together?" I ask "I know what I want, but we need to talk about what you want. And then, we need to talk some more about what happened that night" it's painful, god knows it breaks me inside just to remember the night she left, but it has to be spoken about. I refuse to repeat past mistakes and let her walk away all over again.

"I want you" she says simply "I want to know you're next to me at night, to kiss you good morning, to ask about your day over dinner. The little things I miss most about our marriage, the things you wouldn't even think would affect you until you're alone. The way you used to leave your toothbrush on the sink instead of in the cup, the way you hum when you make coffee, the way you always missed the laundry basket when you would throw your socks from halfway across the room" she's got tears welling up in her eyes now, and I can feel my own threatening to spill. "Dumb stuff, even the stuff you did that irritated me, I miss. It took a while to get used to not having to pick your pillow up from the floor on the other side of the bed. You always managed to push one on the floor"

She looks at me, and I know. Just as I knew the day we got married, I know I don't want anyone to ever look at me the way she does; with complete love and adoration. "My pillow still ends up on the floor" I laugh, even as tears track down my cheeks "and it was weird not having you pick it up. I'd get home from work and it'd still be on the floor"

She laughs, and I lean over to pull her into my arms. She breathes a sigh of relief, and I can't imagine how I got along for three years without her.

"I miss you too. All the weird shit that I never thought I'd miss" I confess as well, thinking back to all the times I sat and cried when I thought about it "you used to rinse the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, and it used to bug the absolute crap out of me. What's the point of a dishwasher if you've got to fuck around with them in the sink anyway?" I feel her body vibrate with a laugh, remembering our constant dishwasher disagreement "after you'd gone, I found myself rinsing dishes. It made me remember you, on a Saturday morning with your hair in a bun and my pyjamas on, bent over the dishwasher after rinsing the dishes I begged you to leave until later. I still rinse the dishes, and I still think of you" it sounds dumb, but I suppose that's what life is.

A collection of seemingly dumb moments that aren't considered important memories until they're gone.

"We were good together, we were a good couple. Really, the only big fight we ever had was the last one"

"Well I don't care, Meredith, have it your way! I can't deal with this anymore! I can't do it!" She screams, and picks up her purse and coat before leaving, slamming the door as hard as humanly possible, leaving me standing there wondering why she obviously wanted me to go after her, when I knew she'd be back in an hour.