Long Goodbyes

Chapter 13

~Jess's POV~

No it was nothing like the "heaven" I was in with Gilinsky.

This is so different .

Nothing's the same.

But I have seen Jack! Many times actually. He's probably the only thing that keeps me sane .

There's a weird vibe here though. Your always happy. So for me... It's a huge difference.

I miss the boys with all my heart. It may have been 9 years ago. But I still feel like I haven't actually died.

I don't know if that makes sense or not.

I just miss everyone.

I just want to hold my son again.

Be able to hug Nash and talk to Taylor.

Go on best friend days with Cam.

I miss it all too much.

I know I have Matt and Jack up here.

But its not the same.

Ya know in the small time I was in "heaven" when I died and revived.

It looked perfect.

Perfect people, perfect places.

Well it's not.

It's not as bright as you'd picture it, no gold streets, or the shining sun.

It's actually quite boring.

Everything's white and there's no Taylor tye dye.

The only thing good is I get to see my best friend and fiancé.

Even though they aren't alive... We aren't alive.

I still feel like I'm living .

"9 years and this still feels weird to me." Matt says, scratching the back of his neck.

"Almost 11 years and I'm still not used to it. It's so confusing. They say you only love once... But this feels like life to me..." Jack says, laying back on the white pavement .

I guess he's right. It's hard to get used to.

"It's weird to think that all these people are dead." I say, pointing to the few, walking along the street.

It's kind of creepy actually. Some are so out of it they look like zombies.

Heavens supposed to be a beautiful, fearless place.

Well let me tell you when one of them walks near me I freak out a bit.

"Yeah. Doesn't seem like death, huh?" Jack says, shaking his head.

"Not really.."

"I just miss my bed." Matt says, leaning against me.

"I miss all the boys." I whisper, playing with his hair.

"I miss Jack. It's hard walking around without your other half." Gilinsky says, "I'm surprised he hasn't replaced me yet."

Is he kidding ?

"Jack, you were his brother. No one could replace you." I tell him, rolling my eyes.

"And same with you Matt. You saw Carter reading that letter today. He'll never find another Matthew Espinosa."

"W-wait you saw him read that?" He asks, looking down.

"Yes, and I want you to know.. I'm very happy with you. Giving him that ring . I would have loved to wear it, but we know that's not possible." I say, giving him a soft kiss.

"That was cute and all but this is heaven. No PDA." Gilinsky chuckles.

I giggle.

I may not be with everyone I love. But I have two losers right here that love me. And I can watch over the rest.

I guess, it's a good life .

**

~Carter's POV~

"Carter you can do this." I whisper, getting out of my car.

I walk down the long path, looking for the two stones.

"Hey Matty." I say, trailing my fingers along the hard rock.

"Hi Jess." I whisper, patting her cold stone.

It's weird talking to them, I know.

But it's the only way I feel connected.

"Matt, I know you wanted me to give this to my own 'Jess'." I fish the black box out of my pocket.

"But I don't know when I'll find her. Or if I'll ever get married. I'm 30 now. I should have done this already. "

I sit in between the two rocks, leaning against Matts.

"Bro, you and Jess should have gotten married. The day you guys fucking met y'all should have been together. I wanted you guys to be able to tell your kids, and grand kids, about how long it took for you to realize it was meant to be. So I wrote y'all a book."

I place the black box on the ground, and begin digging a small hole next to Jess's grave.

"I'll show you the book one day, when I get up there. It's nothing really. I just started writing one day, and ever since it's been about your love story. You two were my goals at a relationship. You fought through so much, and still ended up together."

I wipe a tear, getting back to digging.

"I miss you both so much. I know you guys can't come back. It's not possible, but I wish it was. I want to be able to see y'all say 'I do' and have children. But I guess life doesn't always work the way you want it. So..."

I pick up the black box, taking out the beautiful ring.

"Jessica Hope Hastings. You and Matt are going to live on in our hearts forever. And as you said before some infinities are smaller then others. But you two.. Yours will never end. I know it for a fact ."

I place the ring in the whole, getting up and kicking dirt over it.

I lean my head back, looking up into the blue sky.

"So do me a favor and say 'I do'. Mrs. Espinosa.

I know Matt wanted me to find my own Jess.

One that's always there for me, beautiful, kind.

Well it turns out there's only one of them out there. And that's you Jess.

Take care of my best friend, okay? I'll see you guys again one day.

But until then, I will never forget ."

I take one last look at there lonley graves, trying to forget that they won't be following me home.

Atleast they're together.

Mr. and Mrs. Espinosa .