'Silent' Clouds.

PAIN.

My pain got so addicting yet  uncontrollable.

I got so numb, not being in control of my own body, my mind. Losing what I lived for.

Leaving me to love the feel of pain alone. It was intoxicating.

I loved how it became my very own 'fragrance'. Morning, day and night I would drown myself in it, making it linger.

Pain became my addiction, the only reason I lived.

People used to tell me how broken and sad I looked, I hated them for being right but I never gave them the joy of knowing it.

And so, in fear I would say, 'Mind your gaddamn, business will ya?
And don't fucking tell me what to do! Get it?'

They told me to smile more often, I told them to 'fuck off.' I told them I would frown and sneer all I wanted and it wasn't their fucking business.

Why fake a frown when it wasn't going to hide my lonely eyes? Of course they didn't understand this.

And therein my empty mind became my acquaintance.

My demons became my friends, I became one with darkness. I loved it, I loved who I was. I found company in my own fear.

I lost the glow in my eyes, the fire in my soul. I lost the sparkling in my heart. Worse, I lost myself.

Then came the mighty storm, I got hit so hard. The force so powerful. I wanted to end it all.

I hated it all. I hated the pain.
I hated feeling broken, I needed to end it all. I tried to end it. My oh-so futile attempts.

I didn't like being in the company of fear anymore. I hated being friends with my demons, being acquainted with an empty mind. I was one with pain and I hated it.

I needed...had to get out.

I was scared for the first time in my life.

I couldn't do it anymore...

So I did the one thing I could, even though I knew there would be no one waiting at the bottom to catch me...

I jumped.

  
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~Save yourself while you still can~
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