You Outshine the Morning Sun

Lin

           

I thought about Pippa and Molly a lot the next day.  Poor Molly would basically be without a father for the near future.  I couldn't imagine living on the other side of the world from Cam.  It would crush me.  I happened to meet Pippa's ex, Austin, the next morning when they both dropped her off at school.  I was surprised to see them together.  Pippa introduced us and we shook hands politely.  Austin then excused himself to go to work.

"I stayed at Austin's last night," she explained.  "Molly was pretty upset."

I nodded in understanding.  "Poor kid."

"I can't believe he's doing this to her," I went on.  "I wonder if he even fought it."

"He's been pretty absent up until now hasn't he?" I said, not that it made it much easier.

"He's with her when it's convenient for him," I said as we started walking away from the building.  Lin took my hand as we continued, not really having a destination.  It just helped to have his company.  I wasn't sure why I was so upset.  It's not like Austin and I were together or had been recently.  I suppose it was the fact that I would truly be a single mother.  With Austin around, I at least had a co-parent and someone who took her every once in a while for a break.  Now, everything would solely be on me.  The weight felt enormous.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked gently.

I sighed.  "Just the fact that I'll now be completely single handedly raising my daughter by myself."

He squeezed my hand.  "There's people here than can help.  You know I'm always here.  If you need a break, she can come over and hang out."

I smiled weakly at him.  "I know and thank you.  It's not that, exactly.  It's all the decisions I have to make.  I have to decide everything now and pray I don't mess it up.  Her success and failure in the world solely depends on me now..."

I kept going and was surprised that I was starting to tear up.  There was an alley nearby and I felt Lin steer me into it.  His hands were at the side of my face.

"Sssshhh, ssshhhh," he told me gently as he stroked my face with his thumbs.  "You don't have to do this alone, Pippa.  I'm here for you."

He pulled me into his arms and I rested my head on his shoulder and I just started sobbing.  I was embarrassed that I was losing it and I clung to him.  He made me feel safe, though.  He just rubbed my back and waited for me to calm down patiently.  Once my crying had finally subsided, I pulled back and he planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Come on," he whispered.  "Let's go to my place.  We can relax."

I nodded, thinking that sounded good.  I didn't want to be alone.  I found a tissue in my purse and wiped my eyes and face as best as I could while we walked to the subway.  Soon, we had reached his apartment, where Molly and I came most nights now.  It was almost like our second home.  I sat down on the couch and Lin fixed us some tea.  He brought the mugs over and set them gently on the table then sat down, tucking one leg underneath him as he faced me.

"So," he said.  "We need to figure out a way to make you feel better about this.  What are you most worried about?"

"Just...having to make every decision on my own.  It terrifies me that I'm the only person Molly has in the world."

"You're not the only person she has," I corrected her.  "I know I'm not family, but I care a lot about both you and Molly.  This last month she's been here at least three nights a week.  I'm getting kind of fond of her."

She laughed a little at that.  "If you're feeling overwhelmed, I'm here.  Like I said, I can take her for a while if you just need some down time.  And as far as big decisions, we can talk.  I'm a parent too so I understand you want to think things through.  I'm constantly terrified I'm making the wrong choices with Cam."

I nodded, wiping at the corner of my eyes self-consciously.

"Does that help?"

I nodded again.  "Yes.  Thank you.  I just don't want to be a burden.  You and your parents have been so helpful with Molly."

"You're not a burden at all," I clarified.  "I'm glad to help.  That's what friends do."

I bit my lip and felt like I couldn't meet his eyes.  I was a little embarrassed I'd lost it in front of him so completely.  He gently put his hand against my right cheek, turning me to face him.  His thumb gently stroked my cheek as his eyes glanced at my lips.  We met eyes and then he leaned in to kiss me.  First, just one, our lips staying locked for a few seconds.  Then our mouths opened and we lovingly, gently began to kiss deeply.

Soon, our kisses became more insistent, and I gently nipped her lip with my teeth.  I began to lean forward and Pippa began to lay down on her back.  I propped myself up on my forearms as we continued to kiss passionately.  A minute later, we broke apart and just looked into each other's eyes.  I let out a little satisfied sound. 

"Want to take this to the bedroom?" I asked hopefully.  She nodded and I sat up, taking her hand to help her.  As I walked, I kept hold of her hand as we went down the hall and into the next stage of our relationship.