You Outshine the Morning Sun

Pippa

I'd forgotten how much work a newborn, let alone two newborns, was.  Luckily, my husband was amazing and I had his help.  Newborns needed to eat around every two hours, and that didn't mean two hours from the end of the feeding.  It meant we were constantly up in the night and my nipples were already getting sore.  Thank goodness for bottles.  I barely had time to pump milk, but I had a small supply.  Luz tried to reassure me that I could feed them formula if needed, but I really didn't want to.

It was 3 a.m. and I heard Raina cry.  I could tell the difference between their cries easily.  Molly kept being woken up by her siblings, so we ended up moving the two cribs into the master bedroom.  I whimpered a little and Lin must've already been awake because he quickly got out of bed to get our daughter.  He checked her diaper quickly, but I was pretty sure she was hungry. 

"Bring her here," I croaked out tiredly.  Slowly, I sat up in bed as Lin brought the baby to me.  I quickly slipped the strap of my nightdress over my shoulder and began nursing, half asleep.  A minute or so later, I felt Lin's hands on me, adjusting Raina because I had fallen asleep and she had started to slip.  He propped up a pillow underneath her so I didn't have to hold her up.

As soon as she was done, Felix started whimpering.  Lin scooped him up and we traded babies.  He burped Raina and snuggled with her as I nursed her brother.  I'm sure we were a sight - both sitting up, eyes closed, trying to take care of our newborns.

Finally, they'd both been fed and burped and put back to bed.  I fell back asleep instantly.

Lin's alarm went off at 7:00.  Thankfully, he was taking the lead getting the girls ready for school in the morning so I could rest a little bit.  Molly came in every morning to say goodbye to me before she left, then kissed both the babies' heads.  She was such a good big sister.

I slept until Lin came back.  He curled up with me in bed again, spooning behind me.  We were exhausted, and I didn't see any end in sight.  It might have been the hormones, but I started crying softly.  I tried to keep quiet because I didn't want Lin to think I didn't love being a mother again.

A few moments later, he lifted his head to look at my face.  I covered my eyes with my hands.

"Baby, what's the matter?" he asked, gently rubbing my hip.

"I'm so tired," I confessed, crying a bit more freely now.  I didn't know why I was trying to hide my feelings from Lin.  He was my husband and my supporter.

"I know," he said, pressing a gentle kiss to my shoulder.  "The first few months are hard.  Especially with two.  This won't last forever."

"But I should be thankful," I told him.  "Why am I upset when I have two healthy babies and I have you and your parents close by?"

I felt his hand tug on my hip to turn me around.  I rolled onto my back and brought my hands to my eyes again.  I felt his warm hands gently pull them away.

"Hey.  Look at me," he commanded gently.  "You're allowed to feel overwhelmed.  I can't think of a new mother who hasn't been.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  You're a wonderful mother."

I took a deep breath and nodded, knowing I was being ridiculous.  I knew this would be overwhelming.  He sweetly tucked some fallen hair behind my ear, gazing at me with such love in his eyes.  The babies had been born a week ago, and he still looked at me like he was forever indebted to me for birthing our children.

"I'll take the babies out for a walk," he decided, "And you stay here and sleep."

"No, I need to start some laundry and do the grocery shopping," I began to protest.