Labels have always been a struggle for me, I've known that I wasn't cisgender or heterosexual for the longest time but I couldn't figure out exactly what I was. I'm a very precise person so not being able to find an exact label for myself was impossible to accept. I kept searching and searching but I still couldn't figure it out and it drove me crazy because I so desperately wanted to belong but I felt that I couldn't be a part of the queer community without a set it stone label (which I now know isn't true).
I kept switching from label to label just to see if something would stick, but nothing ever felt right 100% of the time. It was like one moment the label was fine but then the next moment it was completely wrong. During this time I only had one friend (Lissa) and I told her all this and she was always so accepting of my labels (and still is), she was searching for her own label at the time (which she eventually found, omnisexual) so this made it lot easier to open up to her.
Eventually I gave up, my search wasn't getting me anywhere and I was just stressing myself out. When I stopped caring so much about labels, I found that I had more time to just focus on myself. I looked more into pronouns and found which ones I was most comfortable with (and which ones I wasn't comfortable with), I finally let myself think about changing my name (I felt like I wasn't allowed to before having a set label) and found my new name (with the help of Lissa), etc. After this much needed "break" I went back to my search with a clearer mind and lighter heart because I knew that even if I didn't find what I was looking for, I still belonged in the community.
My name is Colin and my nicknames include Hatter and Len, and I use he/him pronouns but I'm not opposed to neopronouns (sometimes I actually prefer them). It's rare that I ever find people attractive but when I do they're typically feminine but their gender doesn't matter to me, serious romance and traditional sex aren't really my thing, and I'm currently in a queerplatonic relationship with my girlfriend Lissa (and she means the world to me).
This chapter is already way too long, so I'm just going to wrap this up. If you're reading this and you're questioning your labels, know that it's perfectly okay and that I am rooting for you!
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Darling Boy
NonfiksiHey my name is Colin and I'm just another guy trying to make it in the world! This is where I talk about my personal place in the world and the queer community, how I got where I am today, and where I hope to be in the future. This book has a bit of...
