Gone by Dawn | Harry Styles

Fear

0754

Sunday, 1st June 2014

It's been four months since I have been in the army and it was most definitely not what I was expecting. It was more. They push you past your limits; to the point where you just want to cry from the pain but you have to remind yourself it's only temporary. I have wept more tears in my bunk than I have in the whole of my 22 years of existing. It'll be worth it they say. It'll be good for you they say.

We're at Kapooka recruitment training and it has been the painfullest experience yet. Every morning I struggle to find the motivation to continue on with this dream of mine but then I get dressed and walk out of the dorm and remember just why. My dad. I keep his photo of him in his uniform inside my gun locker to remind myself each morning to keep going.

Lieutenant Styles. God spent an awful amount of time on him and to say the least, I am a huge fan of his work. As we step outside into the brisk winter air we march in unison onto the training grounds. We are addressed by the training officer whom informs us of the day.

"Private Crosby," I hear my name being shout from across the field where Lieutenant Styles and Lieutenant Colonel Slate stand beside each other. I travel briskly at a walking pace over towards them, with my Bullpup rifle occupying both my hands. I make my way over, weaving in and out of other cadets practising their drills as the drill officer spits and shouts commands at them like circus animals. As I reach them I give a salute and greet them, giving them my undivided attention, not that that isn't hard with a man looking like that.

"Pack your bags, Private," I crease my brow in a questioning glance to Lieutenant Styles whom seems equally as confused as myself; it's been months since I have last seen Styles, the last time being on the plane. He has barely changed since, the only thing being the dark shadows that haunt his under-eyes - sleep deprived, just like the rest of us. As his gaze shifts from his commanding officer to me, his eyes catch mine. Still the same gorgeous green eyes that used to have a twinkle in them back on the plane; his eyes were the kind of green that mint ice cream gets jealous of. The kind of green that distracts you from everything around you and pulls you down deep into the hollows of the forest.

"You'll be departing at 1900 hours. Be ready," Lt. Colonel never once meets my gaze, watching over his soldiers.

"Yes, sir," I hail my salute to the both commanding officers and march towards the dorms to prepare for my unexpected departure leaving no time to ponder what the hell is going on.

***

1755

"Mum I have to go," I speak into the phone. I was told by Lieutenant Styles that I was being deployed to Afghanistan, at the end of his report he apologised and I told him that this is what I am here for but he was in no mood for light hearted banter and before leaving he tells me to "pack light".

"Okay, honey, one last thing," I internally groan and roll my eyes, she hates it when I do that.

"What is it?" I unintentionally say with annoyance laced in my words.

"Be safe...... please?" I know she loves me and supports me in no matter what I do but I could tell she regrets letting me do this. I am sure that memories of Dad and her are rushing back to her and that she is worried about me. I understand. I miss her too.

"I Love you.... Mum," I quickly end the call before my voice could crack, I don't want to worry her more. I sniffle and wipe the tears away before they could run down my cheeks. I pack a few more things into the khaki coloured canvas bag. I hear a knock against the already opened door that startles me, I look up and Lieutenant Styles catches my attention, he beckons me and I follow. I straighten out my uniform and tilt my hat to the perfect angle and grabbing my bag out the door, I trail closely behind him to a military hummer. He grabs the back door and holds it open for me to slide in, slamming it shut behind me and hitting the roof a twice to signal the driver to take off.