Gone by Dawn | Harry Styles

He Knows

1119

Tuesday, 17th June 2014

Not a whole lot has been achieved this past week. We made no advancement and we have lost contact with the other two platoons. Lieutenant Styles' boss has joined our platoon as of four days ago. We have kept whatever this is between Lieutenant Styles and myself on the down low as I would hate to imagine what Lieutenant Slate would do to us if he found out about us - whatever us is.  On the other hand, Janice has found out that I have been sneaking out late at night, she caught me sneaking back in one night.

I told Janice about Callan and without her meeting him, she immediately thinks I made the wrong decision. He's been heavy on the front of my mind lately, I received a letter from him a couple of days ago. He wrote about how he's doing, that he got a promotion, he's redoing the backyard and he got the dog he always nagged me to let him have. Normally this would have all made me happy but he told me he still loves me and that he's still holding onto hope that I change my mind and come 'home'.

Janice and I walk out of our bunks to do our 'chores'. We walked passed the board room tent where I knew Lieutenant Styles would be, as we were passing by I glanced in. Lieutenant Slate and Styles looked like they were getting into a heated argument over who god knows what. Lieutenant Styles' eyes catch mine and he doesn't break contact and neither do I. He has both palms flat out in front of him on the table and his face red with anger. His facial features express how exhausted and angry he is. As Lieutenant Slate catches me looking, he closes the flap for privacy reasons - I assume.

***

1422

Tuesday, 17th June 2014

"Private Crosby," I hear my name slip from the mouth of no other than Lieutenant Slate. I stand from my seated position and salute him.

"Lieutenant Slate," I greet.

"I would like a moment with you, if that isn't too much to ask?" I nod and follow alongside him. We walk in silence for a bit until we reach his quarters. The superiors had their own private bunks with pretty much everything inside it you could ever need.

"Please, take a seat," I take a seat opposite from him. I wait anxiously until he addresses me with what he wanted me for.

"How are you adjusting into army life, Crosby?" He asks.

"Just fine. Well, as fine as it can get since, you know, we're kind of in a war zone. But other than that, yeah, just fine," I babble, nervous in his presence.

"That's good. Very good," He nods his head as he looks around the place.

"And how are you finding the environment.... The people?" He questions further.

"I'm sorry, am I in trouble or something?" I ask.

"No. Nothing that I know of, why? Should you be?" He cocks his scruffy brow. I shake my head rather too quickly.

"Ah yeah, everyone is really helpful. Like, if you don't know where something is or whatever, someone will help you out," I smile nervously, "It's a tight knit group," I press further not knowing my limits.

"And the people...? Made any friends?"

"Janice. She is my bunkie and we're getting along really well. Like, two peas in a pod type of thing. But if you could please excuse me, if I am not in trouble I would like to leave. You might not know but I have a lot of things to get done before dark," I say as I start to rise from my seat.

"No, sit down, Crosby," His deep voice scares me so I do as I am told without hesitation.

"Do you know the consequence for having a romantic affair is with a public relation?" My hands become clammy.

"No, Sir," I answer truthfully.

"And I am sure you won't need to.... Right?"

***

2201

Tuesday, 17th June 2014

"He knows," I say whilst seated at the edge of Lieutenant Styles' bed panicking.

"No, he doesn't," He says as he squats down in front of me, his hands resting on my knees.

"How do you know?" I question, believing in the worst.

"Because we haven't even done anything wrong, it was a one time thing. He couldn't possibly know. Plus, even if he did, he wouldn't do anything. He's all bark no bite," His hands run up and down my thighs in a comforting way to attempt to calm me down. He does have a point; how could he know if we haven't been sneaking out if a night since he's been here. Or maybe, he's here because someone does know and he's just here to see if it is true for himself? Now I am sounding crazy.

"You're so stressed, you just need to chill out," He stands up, "Plus, Olivia, it was just a kiss. One little kiss," before he says anymore, I disassociate from him as he confirms what my mind has been thinking. It was a mistake. Although, he didn't say it word for word, it was what he was insinuating.

"Are you listening, Olivia?" I'm brought out of my trance.

"Yes and I understand perfectly. It was a mistake and it won't happen again," I rise to my feet and I start my trail from outside his tent. Before I reach the exit, his hand takes ahold of my wrist. It halts me in my tracks but I refuse to turn around to meet his gaze that I always give into.

"I didn't mean it like that... but it can't happen again. It's too risky for just a fling," hearing those words come out from the lips that didn't hesitate to latch onto mine only days ago stung like a bitch. Before I was able to give Lieutenant Styles a dose of his medicine, there was the sound of footsteps too close for comfort that managed to shut my mouth before I could open it.

"Lieutenant Styles, am I right to come in?" The familiar voice of Lieutenant Slater asks. I look at Harry as fear flashes into both our eyes, as the very man we've been trying to hide from is only a drape of fabric apart from what could unfold into something big. Harry points to the flap at the back for me to exist and I do so without hesitation. As I got back to my bunk I had realised that I had left my dog tag in Harry's bunk. I silently cringe at myself for being so stupid and reckless over a boy. What the fuck are you doing.

***

0356

Wednesday, 18th June 2014

I went back to Harry's bunk to retrieve my dog tag. When I went back I was greeted by a stressed-out Harry. He looked like he had run his fingers through his hair 101 times. He was hunched over with his face in his palms sitting on the edge of his bed.

"What's happened in here?" I ask. He looks up at me with dull eyes as he held out his hand that contained my one and only, dog tag.

"He knows. Well, at least he thinks he knows," I can only imagine what went through the lieutenants mind when he saw it.

"What is he going to do?" I ask with panic and worry laced in my words. Harry doesn't seem as worried as I am or even phased in the slightest. He always knows how to remain collected, something I always envied about him.

"He's left to go back to Australia, he didn't say anything," I furrow my brows. That doesn't make sense.

"Then how do you know that he knows?" I question.

"Because he handed me your dog tag after looking at it for ages," he emphasised the your. Annoyance evident.  I can't believe this. What will my mother say once she finds out that I got kicked out of the army because I couldn't control myself over a very attractive Lieutenant. Imagine how pissed Callan will be. Fuck.

"What are we going to do?" I ask staring down at my chain, not daring to make eye contact with Harry.