HELPLINE

SIXTEEN

S I X T E E N

H E N R Y

"Henry?"

"Shania?" I whispered. "Look, love, this isn't great. I'm at Isaac's right now, and it looks like I'm going to pull, not gonna lie -"

"Mike broke up with me."

Isaac wandered over. "Is everything okay?"

I shook my head. "He broke up with you?"

Shania sniffed slightly. "Ca -can you come over? Please, Henry? I know it's not a good time, but..."

"I'm on my way," I said, and then I hung up."

❄

"Henry?" Isaac called, running after me. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

I burst out of the house, yanking my car keys out of my pocket.

"Henry!"

"Shit," I exhaled slowly, and then turned round. "Sorry. Sorry. Um, Mike broke up with Shania, and I'm sorry for bailing, but she's my only my friend, and I -"

Isaac shook his head. "Come on."

I stared at him. "You - you're coming with me?"

He opened the car door and slid into the seat, grinning slightly. "Course. And I don't know what you meant about Shania being your only friend."

I got in as well, slamming the door shut behind me and starting the engine. "Well, y'know. We're different kind of friends..."

"Maybe you shouldn't boast about that while we're there," Isaac frowned, and I nodded.

"Agreed."

❄

We found Shania on her sofa, pouring whisky into a half-full tub of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, and singing along to 'Man! I feel Like a Woman.'

"The best thing about being a woman," she warbled, "is the prerogative to have a little fun."

"Jesus," I whispered, and she looked up, smiling wanly.

"Hi, guys."

Isaac sat down next to her and gestured towards the ice cream. "Can i get in on that?"

"Be my guest."

He picked up a fork that was lying on the table and shoved in a mouthful. Then promptly spat it out.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed. (Sidenote: it's really sexy when he says fuck.) "How much whisky is in that, Shay?"

Shania shrugged. "However much my heartbreak deemed fit."

"Heartbreak?" I scoffed, sitting down on her other side. "That's not very you, Shania."

Isaac nodded. "Yeah, it goes against all your feminist principles."

"I mean," I continued, "you read Charles Dickens. At your job at a cereal helpline."

She whimpered slightly. "I didn't even see it coming!"

"Did he give a reason why?" Isaac asked delicately, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

Shania nodded. "It started with an argument about his cooking. Like, a jokey one. But then it got serious, and we were arguing properly, and all of a sudden he started blathering on about compatibility."

I subtly shifted the ice cream away from her. "Go on, love."

"And I asked him what the fuck he was on about, because what the fuck was he on about, really? And he just said, 'I can't do this', and a two-year relationship is down the drain, and I'm sitting on the sofa listening to my namesake and bawling my eyes out."

"You're named after shania twain?" Isaac asked.

"That's what you take from that?"

Isaac stuttered slightly. "Um. No. What I see here is... you're not the victim. And you're going to come out of this stronger. And find someone better."

"I'm twenty-nine!" Shania wailed. "Mike was supposed to be the guy i married! We were going to have children! Who wants a twenty-nine year old named after shania twain?"

"I would," I said immediately, looking her in the eye. "If I was straight, you'd be my first choice, Shay."

"Yeah," Isaac piped up. "You're amazing. Anyone can see that."

Shania sniffed.

"Y-you really think so?"

"I know so," Isaac and I replied in unison.

She sat up slowly. "Okay. Okay." she shoved the ice cream carton in my hand. "You get rid of that, Hen. It's disgusting; even I can see that. And Isaac?"

"Yep?"

"Turn the music up. We're going to rave to Shania Twain."

- - - - -

well this was a bitch to edit