one kiss // e.d

the talk

friday, september 7th

song: sirens by cher loyd

-sydney-
i haven't spoken to the boys since saturday. wes had come over later that day and we 'argued' because he felt forgotten. i've been trying to keep my distance from ethan anyways so spending more time with wes was easy. i had gotten multiple texts from grayson asking where i've been, none from ethan. well, until now.

ethan- hey, long time no see

syd- yeah

ethan- can we talk?

syd- sure

ethan- be there in five?

syd- okay sounds good

i sighed and turned off my phone. i really didn't wanna do this. if it wasn't awkward enough, we had to go to the school retreat in a two weeks. we would be at a camp for four days and not many people go to it. i heard the knock on the door and opened it to ethan's back.

"hey." i said quietly. he whipped around and stared at me. "come in." i stepped aside so he could come into the house. he walked in and stood by the bar, as if he's never been here before.

"can we talk in private?" he asked. i furrowed my eyebrows.

"no ones here." i giggled.

"it's so good to hear your laugh." he sighed in relief. i felt myself heat up. "couch?" i nodded and we walked to the couch. i took a seat and crossed my legs together. i immediately spit my words out before he could take a breath,

"ethan, i know the kiss made it awkward but, we need to forget it happened. i'm dating wes, you're dating amber, and we need to focus on those relationships." my heart stopped and i broke, i didn't want to say it. in reality i wanted to explore whatever this was but i had to think of wes. he looked down to his hands and nodded.

"yeah that's what i was thinking." he said.

-ethan-
i wanted to kiss her again. even after the words of rejection, my heart and lips longed for her. i wasn't sure why, i never felt this way for her. she was my best friend. my heart shattered when she said that. wes my ass. she probably feels the same way, or she doesn't and that's why she's doing this to me. who knows? i looked up to her and saw hurt forming in her eyes. this was uncharted territory for us. we used to be like siblings but now, it's different. i reached for hand and held it. she looked to me.

"there was nothing ever here. it was a dare and that's it. we don't like each other, we just care for each other cause we're best friends. i want to keep it that way." i did it. i said what she wanted to hear from me. i wasn't sure if this was true for me or not but, i was trying not think about it. her eyes didn't change, she just smiled and hugged me.

"thank you ethan." she murmured into my shoulder.

-sydney-
FUCK. he said there was nothing here. he didn't feel a spark or anything. but i did. i cant just forget it, but i can try. he told me we were like siblings. do siblings fucking kiss? i sure don't kiss my brothers. not even for a DARE. we caught up for little bit more and he left. after i shut the door i slumped down and sat there. i wasn't sure whether to cry or be happy i wasn't getting into this mess. i mean, i had wes, he was boyfriend for christ's sake. i love him and he loves me. we were probably going to go homecoming together. i couldn't 360 and say i like ethan. especially if his feelings aren't the same. i stood and went to watch tv to get rid of my feelings.

-ethan-

when i left i stood in front of her door for a little bit. i sat on the porch to think. she didn't feel the same. i should be happy, right? nothing would jeopardize our friendship. we were still sydney and ethan, best friends. i didn't know why, i just couldn't feel completely happy. apart of me deeply cared for her, always had. i just didn't know if it was more than a friend. i decided to push them down and go home. i couldn't do this to her, or amber. we both were in good relationships. but my worst fear was losing her. i'd rather be her friend then lose her to a spin the bottle dare. i couldn't.