Rooms on Fire

Tenth.

I hear Stevie place the phone that sits on her nightstand back on its cradle and walk into the room carrying two mugs of tea, China Jasmine for me and lemongrass and ginger for her. She is sitting on the bed Indian style, one hand on her bump and the other in her mouth. She has a habit of chewing her nails she isn't wearing acrylics, especially when she is feeling overwhelmed.

'How did it go?' I ask placing her tea on the nightstand and taking a seat beside her. It is a little after 10am and she has been on the phone with her parents for over an hour, telling them about the baby and about us. I figure it can't have gone too badly. They didn't hang up 30 seconds in so they must have been willing to at least listen to her explain the situation.

Stevie shrugs, noncommittal. 'Mum told me I couldn't be in love with you. She said it made no sense. She said I'm in my 50s and I've never been attracted to girls before. It makes no sense that I would start been attracted to them now.'

I sigh and feel a wave of anxiety crash over me. I have never doubted the idea that Stevie loves me until now but her mom has a point. Stevie has told me that I'm not the first woman she has been attracted to and I believe her but there is a huge difference between being attracted to someone and acting on it. I'm the first woman she has ever been with and suddenly I'm questioning if she does love me or if was just so lonely when she met me she's convinced herself she is.

'What's wrong my beautiful girl?' Stevie asks after a long moment of silence, reaching out to push a strand of hair out of my face.

'It's nothing,' I reply, not wanting her to confirm my newfound fears.

'I know you Kate. I can tell when you start overthinking and you are doing it now. Tell me what you are thinking.' Stevie says, gentle but insistent.

'Its stupid but I was thinking what if your mom is right?' I say staring at the floor.

'You are worried I don't love you?' Stevie asks and she sounds hurt.

'I know you love me. I know that logically but my brain tells me to doubt everything. It tells me that I am not worthy of your love and attention and it tells me that your mom is right to question our relationship,' I tell her, my voice small.

'Oh my beautiful girl. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. I see a beautiful, strong, woman who I am madly in love with,' Stevie says leaning forward and kissing me on the lips, 'my mom will come around, she always does. it will just take her a little while. She loves me but she is always questioning my choices. I can't really blame her. I haven't given her a lot or reason to trust me over the years.' I smile as she kisses me again, 'do you want me to show you how much I love you?' Stevie asks, her voice low and husky.

I nod and she pulls me down onto the bed kissing me deeply as she does, my moment of anxiety is quickly forgotten as she begins playing with my left nipple through my bra, causing my skin to flush with need and desire. Stevie is kissing her way down my neck when the phone rings, startling Julia out of her morning nap. She wails insistently as Stevie reaches for the phone and I pull myself away from my gorgeous girl with a sense of frustration as Stevie answers the phone.

I quickly retrieve Julia from her crib and calm her with a pacifier. We initially didn't want to use a pacifier with her but she is comforted by sucking and if she suckled at my boob every time she needed comfort she would weigh 400 pounds by her first birthday so a pacifier it was.

I walk back into our bedroom with her to find Stevie sitting Indian style again and it is clear she is talking to her dad. 'Daddy, I want to see you too but I'm too pregnant to fly to Phoenix now and you are too sick to fly here, I promise you that I will bring the baby, Kate, and Julia to Phoenix for a visit as soon as I can after they are born,' Stevie says patiently.

Stevie takes a long pause while Jess speaks.

'I know you are not an invalid daddy, but with your lungs the way they are I don't want you flying here on a commercial jet. It is too risky. How do you plan on getting from the counter to the gate? LAX is huge,' Stevie is beginning to lose her patience now.

A shorter pause and Stevie is speaking again, resigned, 'Fine, can I at least send Kate to pick you up from the airport?'

'What time is your flight?' Stevie asks. '10:30am on Delta,' she confirms grabbing a piece of paper from the nightstand and writing down the details, 'okay, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you daddy,' Stevie says hanging up the phone.

'Daddy is impossible sometimes,' Stevie says frustrated. 'I want to see him but he is so frail. He has been so sick for so long Kate. What if he catches something on the plane? 'What if he gets pneumonia again? He is too stubborn for his own good sometimes.'

If it happened we will deal with it,' I say patiently. Stevie has a tendency to catastrophize when it comes to her parents health. They are a lot older than my parents, my mom is only two years older than Stevie, my dad is four years older and I know Stevie is terrified of losing them. I'm not close to my parents in the same way she is. I wouldn't be close to them even if the Pacific Ocean wasn't between us. My parents have never been accepting of my life choices. They have never really gotten me. They never understood my ambition. My desire to leave the small town I grew up in and ultimately to leave Australia. They were suspicious of it. Stevie's parents on the other hand are supportive of her. Especially her dad, he has watched his daughter succeed where his father failed and he is proud of her. Stevie's mom is a little more weary. Years of picking up the pieces when Stevie had turned to her broken and desperate have made her question Stevie's judgement, her instincts. 'So I get to meet your dad?' I ask.

'Yeah,' Stevie responds with a grin, 'are you ready to meet Jess Nicks?'

'Absolutely not,' I response with a nervous laugh.

---

The following morning at 10:25am I pull into a disabled parking spot at terminal 2 at LAX. Jess has heart disease, lung disease and peripheral artery disease, the result of years of smoking, as a result he can't walk more than about 50 feet unaided by oxygen. Stevie and Julia were going to accompany me but Julia was colicky last night and both Julia and Stevie were crashed out when it was time to leave for the airport so I decided to let them rest.

I am beginning to regret that decision as I walk towards the terminal. I can feel my anxiety rise with each step. From everything I've heard Lori and Stevie say, Jess Nicks is a formidable man and first impressions are paramount. I've never made a good first impression in my life. I'm too anxious and socially awkward for that. I make it to the terminal and take a seat. I'm having a good pain day but my hips still ache and I am limping slightly. Passengers from the flight begin to trickle out, collecting their bags and scattering, after about 15 minutes a perky blonde flight attendant appears pushing a man immediately identifiable as Jess Nicks in a wheelchair. The flight attendant parks the wheelchair and Jess stands, casting his eyes around the terminal looking for his daughter.

'Mr. Nicks?' I ask walking over to him.

'Are you the girl who has been making my Stephanie so happy these past few months?' Mr. Nicks asks with a warm smile, 'she said you have an Australian accent.'

'That would be me,' I say nervously returning his smile, 'Kate Delahunty,' I say holding my hand out for him to shake, I am surprised when instead he pulls me into a generous hug.

'I am so glad to meet you,' he says as he releases me, 'you have changed my daughter for the better. I could hear it in her voice on the phone, she sounds fulfilled, happy, almost giddy. I haven't heard her like that in years.'

I smile, relaxing. The flight attendant reappears with Jess' bags which I grab before leading him slowly to the car.