[EDITING] Red And Blue Looks Good On You (Peter Parker X Reader)

13. The demons

"You need to wake up for the tests," N/n's Voice woke me up.

"Whyyyy," I complained sitting up. Well I tried to sit up Peter's arms were wrapped around me. I shoved off of him. He rolled closer to me trying to grab me again. I started to run my fingers through his messy brown hair.

"Peter," I cooed. "You have to get up," I muttered next to his ear.

"No," He refused opening his eyes just enough to see me. He pecked me on the lips and got his arms around me.

"We have to take the tests," I mumbled as he squeased me a bit to tight. "Pete-need-air," I breathed. He let go of me after that.

"I think you're a lot stronger than you think," I coughed a little exaggerating my statement.

"Whatever," he chuckled as he scooted close to me.

"Peter?" I mumbled as I put my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him.

"Yes love?" He answered me putting an arm around me and using his free one to play with my hair.

"Are you scared to tell my dad? Like honestly," I asked him turning so my legs where on his lap. I started running my fingers through his hair while my head was on his chest.

"Honestly?" he chuckled lightly. "Yeah a bit. But I mean he's like Iron man though who wouldn't?" he laughed some more. I loved when Peter was around things were so much happier when Peter was around.

"Yeah that's why I was wondering," I explained to him.

"Wait so that means when we met I believe you had said 'I think Iron-man is pretty cool actually' well I guess if he was my dad I would think he was cool too," Peter laughed.

"Holy shit I can't believe you remeber that," I laughed at him.

"Why wouldn't I? it was the day I met my first real crush," He said. He put a finger under my chin to make me look at him.

"Me too," I whispered. I leaned forward closeing my eyes and I kissed him. I had my hand on his cheek and the other on the back of his neck. The kiss didn't last long but we had to go.

"I love you (y/n)," He mumbled as I let go of him.

"I love you too Peter Parker," I put my forehead on his as I said. "But we really have to go now," I told him.

"I know I know. Lets go I guess," He said as I got up. I tried to give him my hand but he didn't realize until after he got up. He took my still outstretched hand and brought me close to him for one last kiss.

"Let's try not to let you be murdered," I laughed sarcastically.

"Yep," He breathed.

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Time skip

"Is this gonna gonna hurt?" Peter asked not directed at anyone really.

"I'm sorry Peter but it's the only way," I almost cried.

"It's not your fault (y/n) it's ok," he said to me but I didn't believe him.

The tests were a lot like what they did to Bucky when he was being brainwashed but with less pain. Not much less though...

I've always hated these tests they bring back my "inner monsters". Honestly the pain is so much less than what comes after it. The reality. The depression. The anxiety. The pain. The pain comes from the inside. No one else knows about it. I can't drag them into this pit of hell and despair with me. The won't understand. They will think that it's their fault. On the days that are worse are the days I'm with Peter more he makes it so much better. He doesn't have monsters that will come out when this happens. He's too happy it impossible. I have no idea how he is this happy so much shit has happened to him but he stays happy. I tell Peter everything and it kills me for him not to know.... maybe someday. That was when they put the mouth guard in so I wouldn't break my own teeth. That's when it happened.

Why are you even here. You don't deserve this life. You don't deserve Peter. He only feels bad for you. No one loves you. Your mother left you for a reason. How could you have messed things up this bad. It's all your fault. He will leave you any day now. He doesn't give a shit about you no one loves you. You have no family. You are such an idiot if you think that you are loved. There is no reason for you to be here. Your just taking up space. Peter doesn't love you. Your father doesn't love you. You are the reason your mother left. Your so called "family" doesn't love you. You are nothing more than a burden. The monsters in me sang until I went unconscious.

"(Y/n) (Y/n) you have to wake up. The test results will be back soon you blacked out," I heard someone say as I was being shaken. It was always difficult to wake me up after the tests.

"What!" I jumped up and almost slapped Peter who was sitting in front of me trying to wake me up. "Oh Peter I'm so sorry I-I-I uh don't know but I'm so sorry," I cried. I didn't want him to see the fear in my eyes. He will want to know why and I can't lie to Peter. I lie to him so much already. I jump in to hug him.

"Are you ok Peter? I'm so sorry you had to go through that," I ask him trying not to show my face.

"Its not your fault (Y/n). And it wasn't well uh pleasant but bearable before I passed out. I heard you muttering things before you did though it was as if you were in a trance," He told me I could hear the concern in his voice.

"I wish there was something I could do Peter I wish you didn't have to go through this. It's all my fault I'm so sorry," I told him. "Is there anyone else in here?" I whispered into his ear.

"No we are alone," he semi whispered back.

I moved and kissed him hard. He was stiff for a second then he melted into the kiss. I didn't let it last long just in case someone walked in on us.

We decided to go to the living room and watch some T.V.

"So how long have you been awake?" I asked him as we got comfortable cuddling on the couch. We cuddled like this before we dated but it's different now. I loved him as more than a friend, I mean I always have, and I know he does too.

"Not long I don't think they told me I wasn't out for very long but you have been asleep for a while. So maybe an hour ago," He says almost as a question with a very thoughtful and confused look on his face.

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't wake up. They always have trouble waking me up after these things... earlier did you say I was muttering?" I asked him.

"Well at first you were telling someone to go away... then it was just nonsense or stuff I couldn't understand," He said with a concerned look on his face. "Why is there something you want to tell me?" He asked which made me think he heard more than he's leading me to believe.

"No not really. I rarely remember what happens in my head during that but I know it hurts," I lied to him. I tried to end with the truth so I wouldn't be completely lying but it still hurt.

"Ok..." Peter said as I snuggled in close. I put my head in the crook of his neck. I heard a door open somewhere in the other room and I quickly moved off Peter's lap to just sit next to him. Dad and Bruce walked in then. Before they saw me I quickly used my watch to have n/n tell aunt Nat that they came in so she needs to get up here asap.

"Ok so are you guys ready?" My dad asked me.

"Well I guess," I said just as I heard Nat walk in. I brought my legs onto the couch to sit with my legs crossed over each other. I secretly held Peter's hand under my leg.

(A/n Hi thank you so much for reading! Wow 1437 words this is why I have no friends. I'm sorry if this chapter was a bit depressing I was trying to make the character more like me and... well that's pretty much it. I also thought that it would give more of like an 'insight' into her life of that makes any sense which it probably doesn't. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZENDAYA! Thanks so much for reading love you guys!)