[EDITING] Red And Blue Looks Good On You (Peter Parker X Reader)

49. Hope is bullshit

"I want to see him."

"(Y/n)," "I don't know if that's the best idea," Wanda and dad spoke at the same time.

"I want to see him, F.R.I.D.A.Y. where's Cap right now? What about Bucky?" I ask quickly.

"Captain Rodgers is in his sleeping quarters. Bucky is in the main training room," F.R.I.D.A.Y. answers.

"Can you give Steve a message for me?"

"Of course (Y/n), what would that be?"

"He better get his ass to the training room in five minutes or I'm gonna kill him," I spoke roughly, Wanda might've laughed at this considering my condition but I was more serious than ever before. "Speaking of, could you take me down there Fri? Please and thank you."

"If you're sure ma'am."

Holding my IV stand started to just piss me off. "Get this damn thing off me," I growled and ripped my IV from my arm.

The doors began to close and dad's worried expression showed while Wanda still looked amused.

Not soon enough the elevator reached the training room and I quickly ran, or attempted to. I limped the rest of the way to the doors and swung them open before seeing him there, with his head in his hands. Immediately I felt almost sobered, seeing him this way.

"Bucky?" I called softly.

Cause I am young don't wanna die yet

His head snapped up almost immediately, I could practically hear the shakng of his hand, his metal arm's missing. Shoulder's wrapped in medical tape like a stump.

No can't afford it

"(Y/n) is it really you?" His voice was quiet. Really? How many me's has he seen?

Maybe I just need to move to California

"What's going on?" I said. "Bucky?" The whisper barely left my mouth.

Swear that when I get old you'll blow all my brains out

He just stared at me, head tilted like a confused dog as a tear ran down his cheek.

Blow all my brains out

I closed the distance between us, reaching my hand up and touched the side of his head. "Bucl, what are you talking about? It's me, c'mon whats the matter?" He stood tall, still looking at me like I wa a madwoman, his arms residing on my shoulders. He enveloped me in hug quickly.

"You're real," I could hear the smile in his voice now.

"Yeah I am, I'm real Buck." I smiled. "What's been going on?"

"Doll I thought I lost you. I've not slept more than two hours in the last two weeks. It was all my fault. If you would've die- if I lost you-"

"Bucky I'm right here. Look at me. I'm here. It wasn't your fault, there was nothing you could've done. There was nothing you could have changed about that situation to had made it better. No matter what something would have happened to me, I knew that walking in there Buck."

"Why'd ya do it?" He asked. "Why do you put yourself through all this monsturous bullshit just to get hurt, time and time again?"

"Hope I guess? Hope that I'll do better, or maybe even hope that I'll win."

"Hope is bullshit, kid. I don't think you under-"

"Nah I don't think you understand, hope means... hope is special. More special than faith, even though most see it as a synonym I guess." I explained. "Hope doesn't mean that I've got this idea, hope means there's something out there. Hope is knowing something's waiting for you out there. Good or bad. Death or a future, I mean a lot of the time you don't hope for death but that's besides the point."