letters to park jimin ▸ jikook

letter #2

Dear Jimin,

Did you know? Before you and I were a thing back in high school, I was not gay? Yes, I was straight. I liked girls. But when you came along looking cuter than the other girls in the school, I thought I was going crazy. Like Taehyung bat-shit crazy.

You and I exist in two different worlds back then. You were the class representative, the school representative, the model student. And I was a rebel of sorts, not doing my homework and always getting into trouble. Back then, no one would have guessed that we might end up together as lovers.

It's crazy when I think back to our high school years. You had a really hard time then, I recalled. Because you and I came out as gay and a couple, a lot of people were hating on us. But you were the one that was affected the most. 

I remember the fights you had with your parents. You would always storm out with me in tow after an intense one. I would bring you to our favourite ice cream parlor and you would stay the night at my place. My parents didn't care and came to adore you, always asking me about you whenever I went home alone.

There was a period of time where I thought I had broken your life. You as the perfect child became the problem child. You changed your entire wardrobe (don't get me wrong, I love you regardless of your fashion sense) and your grades went down. You were constantly in fights with your parents and you would often leave home to my place. 

You told me that it was not my fault, that I was not the one who had destroyed your life. But I never believed you. At the rare occasion of dinners at your place with your parents, I can see the jealousy and sadness in your eyes when your parents would praise your brother and ignore you even though you were right there. You would always offer to wash the plates after so everyone can chill in the living room while you bawled your eyes out in the kitchen. You don't know it but I would still be sitting in my seat at the dining table, listening to you cry.

It broke me, honestly. I was ready to break up with you so things could go back to normal, so you can go back to your life previously. But every time I try to talk about it, the selfish part of me could was never able to open up about it. So I left things as it was, spoiled you more than your parents could and gave you more love than they did. 

And I still love you as much.

Yours, 
Jungkook