to all the boys ive loved before

to i.w.

i.w.,

i first met you in my freshman year of high school, fourth period. we were working on our first assignment and i didn't know where Ketchikan was so i asked out loud if anyone knew where it was. then you walked straight to my seat, looked me in the eye, pointed to it, then walked away. i watched you as you walked back to your seat, a light flush of red on my cheeks. but that was it for a while.

then both of our friends started to date each other, which meant that we would see more of each other. i don't know how it started, but talking to you became a daily thing. one day we followed each other on Instagram and i was scrolling through your feed. there was a video of you playing the guitar and all i can remember about it was how fast my heart was beating while you were showing it to me. 

i don't really know how it started, but slowly i started to crush on you. we pretended to hate each other in front of everyone, but that was never the case for me. one day we started to talk about our lives and how we were doing. i remember that day, i was going through some bad shit with people i thought i could trust, but i was wrong. so i ended up telling you about how i trust too much and was in a toxic relationship. but when you opened up to me, i was shocked. we had something in common. it made me fall for you even more. 

then we were in the computer lab working on our projects and you decided to kill me by trying sitting right next to me. thankfully that didn't happen or else i wouldn't've been able to write this letter to you. that day i learned that you could sing like an angel. for some reason, we started to sing, seeing as though i loved to sing too. i started the star spangled banner and you joined in, in perfect harmonies. we did a beautiful duet, and it made me love you even more.

from there you asked me to help you with your math homework, which i did. you sat so close to me that i thought you could hear my heart beating. my breath was ragged and loud, but if you noticed you never said anything.

it was slowly becoming the end of the year and we were writing letters to our future selves. i started to write notes to all my friends, but i didn't to you. you started to complain, asking me to write one for you, and i gave in.

i almost wrote "i liked you", but i didnt.

i kinda regret that now.

sticking with our little joke, i wrote: "i really don't hate you as much as you think i do".

you were too eager to save it for later, so you read it. as you were looking down, you laughed and looked up at me. you took one of my sticky notes and wrote something down, and i pretended to not notice.

you tapped my shoulder and handed me to folded sticky note and said to not look inside. i took the note with red cheeks and quickly looked down.

but i couldn't wait and when no one was looking, i opened it. 

and inside it said, "i love you too".

i folded it up with a smile and sealed my letter.

now when i've seen you around school, we don't even say hi to each other and it hurts cus i still have feelings for you. 

who knows what will happen in the future but-

i.w. i love(d) you 

-m

ps this is for anyone who wants to read but this is all true, none made up.

pps i never got that duet pretty boy.

ppps feel free to comment ig