to all the boys ive loved before

to j.g.b.

to j.g.b.,

hey stand partner, surprise. 

i've been crushing on you since the day you became my stand partner. 

the funny thing is that i've known you since 7th grade, but i didn't start to really know you until freshman.

something about how comfortable we are with each other scares me knowing that you've been in a few relationships that didn't end very well. 

you were always open to me about those too, which scared me even more.

but i pretended to not care, and i still do.

it was the little things about you that make you so special to me. always letting me your eye glass cloth to clean mine, even though you hated to share. or letting me put my feet in your lap in orchestra when its boring and im half asleep. or how even if we aren't in orchestra anymore, you still call me your stand partner. and when i asked why, you said that i will always be in your heart.

we are always playing with each other and say we hate each others guts.

but i could never hate you.

i always hoped that one day you would suddenly feel the same, but life isn't a fairytale. you always came to me with problems in your relationships, thinking that i had the answer to all of your issues, but i did. yet i never gave you the right one.

i always said to wait it out or to give them flowers, when what i really meant was that you should just dump them and notice me.

but im a huge ass pussy.

i still love you j.g.b.

but ill never tell you that.  

-m

ps try to survive without me in apwh