Maybe Not ( a Brendon Urie Fan Fiction) *SEQUEL TO CRAZY OR IN LOVE*

Chapter 11

I stared out the window and watched the rain form droplets as the streamed down the surface they were landing on. I had been here for around a week now and not much has changed. I still follow the same grueling schedule and I'm still just as lost as before.

It hadn't rained often here in California, so seeing the rain and watching it entertained me somewhat, but I knew it wouldn't for much longer. It was only a matter of time until I would get bored and I would have to sit on my bed and just look around the same room.

The thing that made me most depressed was the fact that I was getting used to this lifestyle. I started to get back into old habits and being here started to feel more and more natural. Gabby was the only thing that kept me sane here. I mean I know I'm technically insane, but overall she keeps me from switching. I don't think that will last much longer because there are certain times of the day I won't see her for hours and I am stuck to be in this room by myself.

I heard a light tap on my door and Spencer was standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. He leaned against the door frame and looked at me expectantly.

"Is it ok if we walk and talk?" He asked while standing up straight. I stepped away from the window and nodded. He walked out the door, so I followed him.

"You haven't had an episode." He said as a statement. I nodded even though he wasn't asking me a question.

"Yeah. I haven't." He stopped at his office door and let me inside. I sat on the chair in front of his desk while he sat in his own chair.

"That's good, but at the same time it isn't." I was taken aback by his statement. Why could this even have the possibility of being bad.

"We don't have any idea what is going on." I sighed heavily and leaned back in my chair. How am I supposed to get better if these people don't even know what's going on with me.

"You said you had minor episodes before and then you had your major relapse. It has been a week and here you are with nothing. So far Pete and Tyler have been found and brought back out of the five of you. They have had episodes every single day and they are severe. So Brendon, tell me why you are different." I sat motionless in my seat. I knew it had to do with my emotions. They usually only happened when I was happy or excited. The last one was something I couldn't figure out.

"I think it's my emotions." I said truthfully. There was no point in hiding this from him. I wanted to be free and I wanted to be able to live my life the way I wanted to.

"Elaborate please." He said using his hands to gesture for me to go on.

"I have episodes when I'm happy or excited. Anything like that. I don't get them when I'm sad or jealous and stuff like that. I don't know why I relapsed like I did last time because I was upset, but I have a feeling it was something to do with the alcohol." He nodded along and wrote it all down.

"Are you saying your other personality wants you to be sad." I nodded and I could see that he wasn't convinced. I mean I was aware of how it sounded. It sounded like I was a child who was talking about their imaginary friend. But why wasn't he believing it?

"I think we would have to watch your emotions then if that is the case." He said. How would that even work?

"So you would have to make sure I'm never happy?" I asked him curiously. He thought it over for a second and shrugged.

"We would have to test your emotions. So we would bring you good news and we would see what happens in a span of a day or two. Then we would give you bad news and we would see what happens then." He said explaining it all to me.

"So you would be messing with my emotions?" I asked. He could tell I was upset by this and there was no point in hiding that I was.

"Yes, but it is for the best reasons. We are only trying to help Brendon." I sighed and stood up from my chair. I didn't agree with these methods. They seemed dehumanizing.

"Can I talk to Gabby?" He looked at me and shook his head lightly. I could feel the anger boiling up inside of me. Everything was just coming down all at once.

"She is with another patient right now Brendon, but I will tell her to go straight to your room when she is done." He said reassuringly. I sighed and relaxed slightly. I needed to distract myself, but there was no way that I could do that in this hell hole.

I didn't really care anymore id I needed to stay in his room. I walked straight out of there even as he continued to call my name. I slammed the door to my room, even though he could easily get in. I knew he wouldn't try though. He was my doctor, but he is also my best friend. He knows when to give me space and I need that right now.

I really only want to talk to Gabby. I mean she is my wife and I love her with all my heart. I need to start telling her about everything because last time I didn't it all went down hill.

I didn't want them to mess with my emotions either. If I have an outburst that just gets me farther away from freedom and farther away from my daughter. I haven't seen her in over a week. Gabby says she misses me and I miss her more than anything.

I just wanted to see my baby girl.

A/N: I'm literally cringing looking back on the first book and honestly even this one. I was like 12 and on crack from the looks of it, but whatever.