For I Have Sinned

4

I woke, and it was dark in the room, the thumping in chest was back. I could feel my body begin to tremble again like it had earlier. Slowly I sat up, thump thump thump, there was that sound again, like when I was in the other place. Slowly I looked over to where Father Barnes should be laying, but I couldn't see him, darkness had taken hold in every corner of the room.
"Father Barnes.." I called out softly, hoping he was awake but he didn't respond.
The room was cold, so very cold. I remember the images of the creatures crawling up the wall from before when the light flashed outside. The way they curved away from him, like feared him, trying to get away from the priest. Slowly I crawled out of the bed, my feet touched the icy surface of the floor. I tried not to think of how many were down there as I shuffled my way over.
I felt my knee hit the cot, and I reached down blindly feeling the scratchy surface of the wool blanket. I lower my body next to his, listening to that thump thump thump mixing with my own ragged breath. The priest rolled slightly next to me, I could the warmth of his body next to my side.
"Sparrow, What are you doing?" He asked groggily.
"The light has gone out." I whispered, my body trembling as I buried myself beneath his blankets.
    "I can see that Sparrow, you are safe here in the house of the Lord, I need you to go back your cot though." He replied, soft and sternly.
    "But the thumping, it's back." I said barely audible even to my own ears.
     "What thumping?" I snatched his hand at the question a pressed it to my chest, the heat of his palm spreading out cross my skin that was exposed from the tank top.
~~
     Sparrow grasped the priest hands and pressed it to her chest just at the start of the sweep of her breast. It took Bucky a full minute to register through his sleep filled brain to realize that his hand was at the top her breast. The skin was soft, and he had to resist the urge to slide his hand farther down and cup her. He bit his lip and pulled his hand free from her grasp.
    "Sparrow," He began taking a ragged breath in, needing to calm himself. "That is your heart beat, the reason you can feel it is you're scared."
    "It's not bad?"
    "No, it's normal response. However, we need to teach you boundaries." He sighed. "You can't just take a man's hand, especially mine, and press it to your breast."
    "My breast? Why not?" She asked, at the moment the priest was glad that the woman couldn't see him. He was sure he was red in the face, full of frustration.
    "Sparrow, we will discuss that in the morning but right now I need you to return to your cot, I promise the shadow creatures will not hurt you here." He said slowly, his own heart beating a mile minute.
If his self doubts or his yells at the lord wouldn't condemn him to hell, surely this woman would make sure he went with a smile on his face. He could feel her hesitation before she left his cot and the springs from the other one beside his squeak as she crawled back in.
Bucky laid flat on his back, staring up into the pitch black void, again trying to forget her. Trying to forget the soft feel of her breast under his palm, how her skin felt against his open hand. His mind also wandered on how someone could be so lost not know their own heart beat.
————
The next morning I kept close to Father Barnes, first he made food. It was very similar to the stuff I had had at the last place, but tasted so much better. In the light the church didn't seem as frightening, morning rays flittered in casting all the shadows away. He explained to me that there boundaries when it came to interacting with each other. Body contact was usually reserved to those you were close with, and certain body parts were held only for those that you in a relationship with, preferably married to.
He reassured me that he wasn't upset or mad at me, I didn't know but he made sure to let me know not to cross those lines again. He continued his routine, which included opening the front doors to the main part of the church. I stood in the very center, marveling at the deep dark wood colored benches, and intricate wood carvings on the wall leading to the high vaulted ceiling. The window towards the back, where another large cross was, were colored, deep vivid blues, bright fiery reds, pure greens and stunning white of a person with large white wings and a circle above their head.
"Archangel Michael." Father Barnes exclaimed as he stood next me, looking up at the window. "He is a healer, a protecter and leads gods army in the fight against Satan."
"He's beautiful." I look over to the priest and smiled at him.
The sound of quick foot steps coming in cause both of us to turn around. A small plump woman came rushing up, she wore baggy clothes and her grey hair was pulled back from her face. She looked tired and scared as she approached the Father, taking both his hands, I noticed hers trembled.
"Father Barnes, it's my brother." Her voice was slightly accented as she looked up to the priest standing next to me. "I'm afraid something wicked has found him. He hasn't been himself lately."
"What is it, Gloria?" The Father asked, holding her hand tightly, maybe they had been close. I cocked my head curious as to why she held his hands so tightly.
"He's been moody and yells at the drop of a hat. He won't let us turn the lights on, and complains about the pain in his head." She explained. "Since he came home a week ago the flies in the house won't go away, he smells and refuses to bath. You must see him Father."
"You still live in the apartment on third?" He asked her, she gave a quick nodded. "Then I'll see you there."