For I Have Sinned

10

"What's the matter? Something seems to be on your mind." He asked, sitting down on the edge of the cot, concerned washed over his face. I shifted uncomfortably, my eyes roaming the dimly lit walls. I hate the night, too many shadows, not enough light.
     "I just can't seem to be able to sleep, every time I close my eyes, I see them. The demons, and people in white, I hear screaming." I admitted pulling my knees tighter to my chest, looking down at my bare feet. These were things I kept from the people at the hospital, knowing they would tell me it was a delusion. I knew they weren't, cause I had seen them before and the fear I felt was real. "What did you dream about Father?"
    "I had a dream I was intimate with a woman, sexually intimate, and I shouldn't have thoughts like that." He replied, looking down at his own hands. I sensed a nervousness in him when he spoke, the way he toyed with his pant leg.
   "What do you mean by sexually intimate?" I asked him, allowing my knees to fall, adjusting to get more comfortable. Maybe listening to him would help me, maybe it would distract my mind enough to get the sleep I desired.
    "Uh, well, when two people are attracted to each other preferably married, they engage in sexual relationships." He explained, fidgeting with his hands as his face began to pinken.
    "I'm afraid I still don't understand. I assume it's something most normal people do though." I responded, realizing that there was still much I didn't know. The overwhelming feeling of hopelessness came over me. "Why is there so much wrong with me?"
    "Sparrow, there is nothing wrong with you." He replied, I looked up at him. Father Barnes had a soft smile on his face, it was reassuring to me in a way I wasn't used to. "You and I are physically different, I'm sure you've noticed. Men are build different then a woman, especially down there." He explained while gesturing towards his crotch. "When two people become sexual engage it involves those body parts. And for me, I can't cause it's a sin."
     "You can't become sexually engaged because it's a sin." I repeated back to him, he nodded slowly. "May I ask why it is sin?"
    "Sex it's isn't a sin in itself when you're in a relationship. I made a vow to god of celibacy." He explained further, his blue eyes meeting mine. "You should try and get some rest, I have things around the church to attend to. I'll wake you for breakfast."
    Father Barnes stood from my cot, pulling the covers back. I nestled back down, curling to my side and he gently placed the blanket over my body. He left the lamp on when he left the room. I laid there trying to think of anything but the things from my dreams. I thought about Father Barnes instead, he had been so nice to me since I had come, which was a stark difference from the people at the hospital.
   They poked, and prodded, they put needles into my back all while saying they were doing good. And I'm sure they meant well, but when the shadow creatures came they refused to listen they would turn all the lights off at night, and that's when I heard the whispers. Hundreds if not thousands of them chorusing around my body, deafening everything else in the room. I would scream and scream till I was hoarse, and throat felt raw and bleeding, then day would break and creatures would be gone.
    But with him, I didn't need to worry, he scared them away, he fought the demons. The ones that were like the one that crawled it's way through the vent, licking at the air. Surely he would keep me safe, all I had to do was stay here with him, in the church.
   My eyes slowly drifted shut, my body falling deep in slumber.
~~~
    It was still dark as Bucky traveled through the church, Truth was is he didn't actually have much to do. Most of it could wait till morning, but he had to try and get her off his mind. He hadn't had a wet dream in years, and never one that intense.
    The dream had shaken him, shaken his beliefs. And if he didn't watch himself he could easily see himself plummet further and further away from one of his vows. He knelt before the cross and stared up, the wood lit from below, casting a large shadow of it on the wall behind him.
     "Shadow creatures?" He whispered to himself out loud, Bucky wondered if they were demonic entities why he was unable to see them.
    He had seen a great many of demons in his life, many of them looked the same. The same slick skin that was slimy and charred at the same time, the skull always concaved. Long jagged teeth, with thin serpent like tongues. He had never seen shadow creatures or demons made of bugs, nor had he ever seen the beast that she had described. He didn't doubt they existed, he just wondered why he couldn't or had yet to see them.
    Then Bucky thought about the scars that ran down her back, thick angry welts on either side of Sparrow's spine. Surely when they had happened it had to hurt like hell, and they looked reasonably fresh but yet she didn't seem to notice when his palm was pressed against them. He wished he had answers but everything involving Sparrow always led to more questions then answers.
    He understood that the odds are the reason both of them could see the demons was because they had both been graced by death. He had died on the operating table when they tried to fix the break in the back of his skull, and they had brought him back. And from the way Sparrow had described it, she too had died only to be brought back.
    She was a conundrum, everything about her was a seemingly never ending question. Bucky lowered his eyes from the cross, he sighed heavily.
~~
The child, a mop of dark hair, stood, surrounded in brilliant white. His bottom lip trembled as most boys do when presented. He was so young, and had so much good in him. Crystal blue eyes, tears welling up in them.
    Crimson coated his shoulders stemming from the back of his head, his eyes looking around in fear. His left arm hung loosely, swaying back and forth, seemingly forgotten about.
    "No." He whispered, pain laced his word as alone tear snaked down his cheek. "Please, I'll be good, just let me go back. My ma and sisters, they need me, who will look after them. Please don't take me, sending me back."
    I will, but only if you make me one promise.
   "Who's talking." He turned, the massive split on his head exposed and raw.
    Can you make me this promise James?
     "Yes, Ma'am." He replied, wiping another stray tear that streaked down his face.
     I'll give you a gift, but you have to use it. It will help people, protect people, and you'll do good in this world. The things you'll see, no others can. You, James, are the only human that will ever be able to see them, and you must rid the world of them. I have big plans for you, you'll be the warrior you dream of being but you must not let it get to your head. Promise me.
    "I'll do it, I promise."
    Okay then, till we meet again, James.