Just give me a reason✔️ ~ Mileven drama and smut~

Chapter 11

El didn't know what exactly she'd been expecting when the door opened, but it certainly hadn't been this.

Mike was standing in the doorway, looking nervous, but it had been the glow of the lights behind him that had caught her eye. The dreary basement looked almost magical, strings and strings of warm Christmas lights criss-crossed the ceiling, and in the middle of the room the D&D table had been covered with a tablecloth, like in Lady and the Tramp. She remembered watching that movie with Holly years ago and had always maintained a fondness for the scene with the spaghetti.

But what was all of this?

"Um, hi, El," he stammered nervously. "Do you want to come in?"

Her eyes focused back in on his face instead of the room over his shoulder and she felt her stomach drop. There were bags under his eyes and nicks on chin, like he'd cut himself shaving, his hair dull and greasy. He looked as terrible as she felt and she felt a pang of self-loathing as she squashed the urge to reach out and trace his freckles, that little heart on his cheekbone she'd found years ago.

He's about to dump you, stop being stupid, she chided herself.

The anger surged up again as she glanced back at the room. What the fuck was this? He'd went all out just to break her heart? What was his fucking problem? Couldn't he pretend to be sad?

"Sure," she spat, scowling. "Thanks."

She pushed past him roughly, noticing the way his hand brushed hers and hating that it made her shiver all over. God, she didn't want to let herself get emotional and give in to him, but it was hard. This was hard. Crossing her arms, she turned to face him, hunched and uncomfortable, standing in the middle of the decorated basement and wishing it was already over. She couldn't make herself meet his eyes.

"Did you want some Eggos? Or water? I, uh, set up a toaster." He gestured to the table, trying to look optimistic but obviously worried about her sour demeanor. "If you want. I thought it would be nice."

"Nice?"

"Yeah, uh... I-I mean—"

"Can you cut the bullshit and just... do it?!" She felt a surge of rage at whatever charade he was trying to get her to buy. "Just... tell me whatever it is you wanted to say. I don't want Eggos or any of this. Just... just say it.."

He looked surprised and almost a little hurt but shrugged, figuring that was fair. Time to do it, to spill his heart to her and confess his undying love and just how repetent he was for his—

"I'm sorry," he blurted, forgetting all of the prettier words he'd planned. "Uh, I mean, I'm sorry, but also... I'm really sorry, El. I've been really shitty for a long time and I didn't tell you why or explain and I have my reasons but—"

"What's her name?" She cut him off.

He looked thrown by the question. "Huh?"

"What's her name, Mike?"

"Who, the jeweler?" His brow furrowed and then suddenly she was confused.

"What?"

"What?" He flushed and then looked equally confused. "What are you talking about? What is whose name?"

"The... the girl! Whoever you've been seeing?! The reason you're breaking up with me right now," she exclaimed angrily, annoyed at how he was trying to play innocent. "When did you decide she was..." She inhaled. "When did you decide that you didn't love me anymore?"

Mike's eyes went huge and he stared, dumbstruck, like she'd just slapped him in the face. Then he held his hands up, shaking his head in disbelief, not wanting to believe what he'd just heard her say. There was no way she thought...

"Wait, wait, wait... you think I'm cheating on you?" His eyes were wounded, voice breaking at the end. "That I don't love you?"

She shifted, suddenly uncomfortable, wondering why he was looking at her like she'd just admitted to murdering the entire cast of Star Wars or something. Of course he was cheating on her. Of course he didn't love her. Why else would they be here?

"You stopped talking to me, Mike." Her head shook imperceptibly. "For months. You worked late and didn't tell me why. You didn't want to touch me anymore... or look at me. You were guilty and sad and upset. Now you want to tell me your big secret," she shook her head. "What else could it be?"

"I would never cheat on you. Jesus..." The hurt sparked into anger. "Weren't you the one throwing yourself at other men a few days ago? Telling me you would have let them fuck you just to piss me off? Letting them put their hands all over you?"

Fair point.

"What else was I supposed to do?!" She exploded, going on the defense. "You would come home and avoid me and I felt like..." Her breath hiccuped in her throat as she confessed what she had been trying to suppress, a memory of fear from her past. "I felt like I was little again, waiting for Papa to come. Sometimes he would be mad or upset and those days made me want to just die and I felt like that again. Because you were always mad or upset or didn't want to look at me. But I never knew what I did wrong."

Mike looked stricken, like that thought hadn't occurred to him. But it made sense. Brenner had done the same thing he had. Ignored her until he needed her, made her feel small and insignificant but needy all the same. Only this was worse in some ways because Mike actually loved her... and he'd let her feel used.

"You never did anything wrong," he protested. "That's what I'm trying to tell you, that I was—"

"I did. I did do something wrong."

She had made herself shrink smaller somehow, looking weary and ashamed. He was right... how was she going to accuse him of cheating when she'd all but done that earlier? The guilt of her actions that night flooded her and she took a heavy breath, nodding, admitting her wrongdoing.

"You're right, Mike. I shouldn't have done that... at the party," she bit her lip, nodding harder. "I'm sorry. It wasn't okay. I didn't mean it... what I said that night. I thought it was the only way to make you pay attention to me... but it wasn't okay. I'm sorry."

Something in her sighed happily as she admitted her fault, one of the things that had been eating her slowly inside. She'd replayed that night over a million times in her head and every time it had made her feel more and more ashamed. It had been a low blow but she had been hurting and not in the right state of mind.

"I'm sorry too." He said quietly. "I'm sorry I made you feel like that was the only option. I'm sorry I made you feel like you were back at the lab again... that I reminded you of him." A sob bubbled into his throat and he swallowed it, not ready to cry until he had given her the apology she deserved. "I'm sorry, El. I'm so sorry."

Her head snapped back up, eyes narrowed as she realized what he'd said earlier, the apology meaning little because in truth, she'd done something just as bad. Preying on his insecurities and using them against him. She'd let herself become Papa too, but now she was pushing past it, wanting to focus on what was in front of her, needing an answer to her fear.

"So... you're not... with someone else?" She could barely breathe.

"Never. I wouldn't do that to you..."