Behind The Mask

December 4

December 4

Okay, I know I said I'd never write in this thing again, but I changed my mind. Don't ask why, because I'm about to tell you.

*Gwen's ringtone goes off and she turns off her phone when she sees it's only Sara. She goes back to writing, scribbling as fast as she can. Her hands shake.*

I'm so scared. The only reason I moved here was to run AWAY from the memories, and now some random guy is bringing them back into my head! Oh, how much Dallas looks like him. The blue eyes, the dark hair... And the way he looks at me! It's like he can see right though me; it's like he knows everything about me. But that's impossible. No one knows everything about me, remember? Sometimes I wish someone did though... I'd just like to feel like I'm being heard, at least when it comes to the things that really matter. But no one here would understand my past, or what I've been through...

I guess I could write it down in here... It'd be nice to get it all off of my chest. It'd be nice to feel like someone's listening. But I've kept it inside so long... I don't know if I'd be able to even write about it without breaking down.

Maybe another time. Now... just isn't the right time. The more I think about it, about HIM, the harder it'll be to get it off my mind.

So umm... New subject. Dallas. Even writing his name confuses me. I don't know what to think about him. I barely know him, and we'd never talked until today. From what I know, he's kind of a loner. He never talks, he's a straight A student, and he's always tripping over nothing. One time, he ran into a cafeteria table and dropped his tray. Food went everywhere and people started laughing at him. I just rolled my eyes and didn't think anything of it. Until now.

I'm not sure what else he does. I really don't pay attention to anyone unless they're a popular, like me. If we're being honest, it takes a lot for me to notice any guy, at all. Emma always says I'm weird because of that. But who cares?

Anyways, all I really know about Dallas, is his name, and the things I've already said. And how unnerving it is when he looks at me. I swear he knows more than he lets on. And that scares me. If everyone were to know about what happened... I wouldn't be able to stand it. It's hard enough to deal without people asking questions and pretending to understand.

I'm eating ice cream now and watching a horror movie. Maybe that'll take my mind off of everything. I'm not really sure why I'm still writing in this stupid thing. All I know for sure, is that Dallas, is still on my mind.

Does he even know my name?

Why did he tell me his?

Whatever. I hope this movie's scary. I'm ready to be freaked out by something besides reality. Night, I guess. 

- Gwen xoxo