Behind The Mask

December... ?

December... ?

It's kind of bad that I don't even know what day it is, but whatever!

So... I haven't written in a while. It feels like years has gone by... SO much has happened!

I think you'd be proud of me. I've changed a lot. I re-read my past diary entries... and laughed. I was such a drama queen! Especially in my first one.

I believe in love now. I didn't, but now I do. And I think you know what changed... or who changed it.

Dallas.

Maybe one of these days- when we're older- I'll let him read this. Maybe I'll show him how much he means to me. I really love him. It's crazy, because I'm "just a teenager" and I'm not supposed to "understand" love. But... who really understands it? I know I don't. I'm just enjoying it while I have it. And... it's amazing.

He is amazing.

I could go on and on, but that'd probably get boring.. for you. So instead, I'll talk about my parents.

Joy.

Right now, I'm in a hotel room with Dallas, Max, and my Aunt Bea. My parents are at home, probably hating my guts. Why?

Well... I kind of told them off the other night.

Kind of.

Okay, never mind.

I told them off.

And might have flipped them the bird.

Just maybe.

Okay, I did.

I know I should feel bad, but.. I don't. Not really. They deserve it. At least my dad does.

I don't hate my mom as much as I hate my dad. But she still owes me an apology. I talked to Bea, and she told me that she just doesn't know how to cope when she's alone. So she hides behind her art. I guess I understand that. It still hurts to know that she just left me behind like that, but I don't blame her as much as I did.

I blame my dad.

He's a crappy father. I can't stand the thought of him and his little business trips. I can't stand the idea of him having the time of his life with some other woman while my mom paints her pain and I play pretend in my little bubble of a world. I hate him. He can't ever change that.

And I plan on telling him that.

Tomorrow, I'm going back home. I'll take Dallas and Aunt Bea with me, and I'll leave Max at a friend's house so he doesn't have to hear anything. I'll finally tell my dad to get out if he can't stop sleeping around, and I'll tell my mom that I love her and that she needs to stop hiding and treat me like her daughter. And I'll tell them that I love Dallas and that they can't stop me from being with him.

Easy as pie, right?

You know, I made a pie once. It was NOT easy. So that saying doesn't even make sense! Or is it like.. a contradiction?

I just made myself sound dumb. Great. But oh well.. just wish me luck. I'll probably need it. But at least I'll get things over with, and at least I'll have Dallas and my sister (well, technically, she's my aunt...) by my side. That'll make everything easier.

It's always easier when you have the people you care about beside you.

Gwen xoxo