What Should I Do?

Chapter 10

Silence.

The car ride to the store was nothing but that.

I notice that Nathan has repeatedly looked at me from the corner of his eye from the moment I sat in his car and I instantly begin to regret masquerading as my brother.

Almost immediately, I begin to think, What if he knows that I don't have a penis? Does he know? How did he find out? How does he know?

"Why do you keep looking at me, Nathan?"

"You're our new band member and you're already showing Pierce up. You're making waves."

 "Barely even. I'm not a wave maker."

Nathan laughs, doesn't bother to tell me why, and stares back at the road. He shakes his head and laughs again before leaning over and starting to rummage through the glove box.

Awkwardly, I try to ignore the fact that his arm is in between my legs.

Nathan grabs a large CD holder, leans it against his steering wheel, and starts flipping through the pages of discs until he finally finds one and sticks it into the player.

He then reached back in between my legs, opened the glove box, and stuck the disc holder back in the glove box. With one hand on the wheel, Nathan presses play on the stereo and the rhythmic beat of what sounds like a keyboard and percussion instrument comes out at a deafening volume.

For a few seconds, that was all that I could hear until the lyrics rang out of Nathans stereos.

"Beauty queen of only eighteen, she,

Had some trouble with herself

He was always there to help her, she

always belonged to someone else"

Nathan, driving, seems as if he's consumed in his thoughts. As if  what he was thinking about could change his life. As if it could change the course he took as well as the course that history took. Nathan looks like he's regretting something he's done. His facial expressions are showing me he's almost depressed but not quite there yet.

I want to ask him what's wrong but I feel like if I ask, something might go wrong.

I sit silently ask the lyrics flow around me as I decide not to ask.

"I drove for miles and miles and wound up

At your door

I've had you so many times but somehow I want more

I don't mind spendin' everyday

Out on your corner in the pourin' rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay a while

And she will be loved,

And she will be loved

Tap on my window, knock on my door, I

Want to make you feel beautiful

I know I tend to get so insecure

It doesn't matter anymore"

Feeling as if the lyrics had hit home, I pressed the next button and lean back on my seat.

I try to focus on what route that Nathan's taking to get to a store instead of any of the lyrics.

Nathan turns into the parking lot on the right, parks, pulls the keys out and together, we get out.