Nothing was the same after Corbyn's death.
His parents held a closed casket funeral 3 days later, and I could barely even pull myself out of bed to attend.
My mom let me skip school for the next week as I mourned. The boys also spent that next week in my room with me. We were all close, but I was the closest to Corb. My mind was reluctant to wrap itself around the fact that he was gone, forever.
Everything went downhill after his death. Jonah and I fought a few times and I began feeling depressed myself. I'd never lost someone like this before and I didn't know how to cope like the boys did. I did lose my dad, but that was when I was 5, and I don't remember it very well.
My first day back at school was rough. I avoided the commons in the morning and took the long way to class. Everything reminded me of him. The whole school knew about what happened and everyone was staring at me all day and I hated it.
Once lunch time came, I went straight to the detention room where I had first met Corbyn. The teacher let me sit in there alone, unbothered.
I sat on top of the desk that Corbyn had been sitting at and closed my eyes and began to imagine the first time I'd ever talked to him.
Tears welled in my eyes and threatened to poor down my cheeks as I thought of his happy, outgoing personality, making an effort to talk to me even though he wasn't good at making friends.
I began sobbing at the thought that I'd never see that face again. I'd never hear his voice again or hear his jokes or go on late night drives or watch horror movies with him ever again. That was the moment it really sunk in and it hurt more than any other feeling I had ever experienced.
I dropped to the floor and just cried, thinking about all of my memories of Corbyn. He was really gone.
"Hey." I heard from the doorway, causing me to slowly turn around to look at who was talking to me.
It was Jake Paul. The last face I wanted to see.
"What do you want?" I snarled as I looked back down at my thighs.
"I just wanted to see if you were ok. I heard crying. I know this must be hard for you and I wanted to pay my condolences." He spoke as we made his way over to me.
"I don't need your sympathy Jake." I spoke coldly as I wiped my nose with the back of my hand.
"I'm sorry sky." He said softly.
"Good. You fucking should be." I jumped up to my feet and faced him. "This is your fault Jake. I saw the messages you sent him. You're just a piece of shit. You made him do this. You killed him Jake! This is all your fault!" I screamed as I cried and began throwing weak punches at his chest.
I was sobbing and I could barely see from the tears in my eyes, the next thing I knew someone was grabbing me from behind and pulling me back.
"Ssh, ssh it's ok. It's ok, I've got you." I heard Jack's voice as I was helped down to the ground. "You should go." He spoke to Jake as he held onto me on the floor.
"It's ok Skylar. I'm here. I've got you." Jack repeated as he rocked my limp body while I sobbed into his arms.
-
"Oh my god what's that?!" Corbyn screamed, pointing his finger to something behind me.
"What?!" I freaked out and quickly turned around to see what it was.
The next thing I knew I was being pushed under the water.
"Corbyn! I'm gonna kill you!" I scream as I resurfaced.
He was swimming off, laughing his head off. At first I was pissed, cause I didn't want me hair getting wet, but his laugh was so funny and contagious, I couldn't help but smile.
"I hate you." I giggled.
"You love me, don't deny it." He stuck his tongue before laughing.
A month later and I would still daydream about Corbyn in class. I just couldn't help it. All of the memories I had of him would come back and flood my brain and it was all I could think about. This was really tearing me up.
I was getting better though. I barely ever cried anymore, and I only cried late at night in my bed when I did.
I missed him like crazy. I was so used to having the 5 boys overfill my car, it was so weird having them all fit and I honestly hated it.
He stuck out most out of all of the guys so seeing them all just blend in was confusing.
I found out that shortly after his death his parents put their house up for sale and moved away, probably because they couldn't bare the thought of living in the house where their only child killed himself. I didn't blame them.
I just wanted him back and it was eating me alive that he was gone because I began overthinking things and blaming myself.
I would beat myself up because I didn't catch it. I didn't stop him. Maybe if I paid more attention I could have seen there was a problem or maybe if I hadn't have freaked out like that in class and just called 911 they would have reached him in time and he would be here now.
Jonah would get mad when I blamed myself so I promised him I wouldn't anymore, but I still do, late at night when I was all alone with my thoughts.
I spent my days visiting all of our most memorable spots and just sitting there imagining him sitting there with me again. I missed him so much.
