Pawn Shop

Chapter 1

I let out a deep breathe that I hadn't realized I had been suppressing. Tears started flowing, finding their way out of my tightly closed eyes. This has been a nightly routine for the past six months. The pain was still so new to me, I didn't know how to deal with this. The love of my life had been ripped right out of my life leaving me with so much grieve. Images of us started forming in my head, making me bawl harder. There was no way I was going to get any sleep tonight,  especially sober.

I found myself walking towards the one thing that I've attached myself to ever since the accident; alcohol. I grab one of the many bottles I have accumulated from work using my special five finger discount. In a matter of seconds, I have the bottle to my lips not caring about the burn in my throat. I glance at the time as I take the bottle away for a breather. 11:47 was displayed brightly on the stove. I continued downing the rest of the hard liquor not caring about my other responsibilities. I tossed the bottle before walking towards the couch. I layed there hoping to have a better chance at falling asleep. As I layed there feeling my body slowly relax, the door bell rung. I closed my eyes ignoring the person on the other side hoping they'd go away. I then heard a key unlock the front door, revealing my mother. I ignored her disappointed glare.

"It would be great if you'd help me with your son Beyoncé." Tina said struggling with the sleeping toddler.

"You know where his room is, go lay him down" I mumbled before switching side, snuggling into the couch cushions.

She sighed before walking off. I tried again to fall asleep but failed when I heard my mother speak.

"I thought you were picking him up at 6" she stated, clearly upset. "Beyoncé don't you dare ignore me, why didn't you come pick up your son?" She waited for me to respond but after realizing I wasn't in the mood to respond, she walked to the door.

"Jaxon doesn't deserve this. You are a mother with responsibilities, act like it. I understand you are grieving but life still goes on. You need to get your shit together for your son before he looses both parents. Your life has barely started, don't ruin it already." She lectured. I know she was over my shit.  She was fed up.

I heard the door open, but before she walked out she softly said "I love you Beyoncé. Everything will get better."

Once I heard the door close softly, I started crying again. I'm a 24 year old unemployed single mother and at the rate I'm going, I can add alcoholic. After Eric, my fiance, passed due to a car accident, my life hadn't been the same. For starters, I picked up a drinking problem which caused me to neglect all my responsibilities like work and most importantly my son. I've became such a terrible mother towards Jaxon. My poor baby doesn't deserve any of this.  He didn't deserve to loose his father at such a young age or to be suck with me as a mother. I can no longer provide a stable life for my son. I had lost my job as a bartender and still haven't found another.

I knew the thought of sleep was wishful thinking. I dragged myself off the couch trying not to trip on my way to Jaxons room. Once I stepped in a smile formed on my face. He is such a precious sleeper. He looks so much like his father. I pulled his Cars printed comforter up before slipping in bed next to my baby. I pulled him on my chest still hoping to get some form of sleep tonight.

"Mommy's sorry." I said softly as I rubbed his back trying to keep a clear mind. The longer i rubbed Jaxons back, the heavier my eyes got. I stayed awake as long as my eyes let me.

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This is my first time writing a story. I know it's short but I'm still debating if i want to continue. Let me know if you think you'd like this book! I'll update when like 5-10 people have read it.