Pawn Shop

chapter 8

"Jaxon, go wait by the door, ok? I'll be right down." I told him as I rushed around.

Today I decided to take Jaxon to Eric's grave. I thought it would be a good way for him to express his feelings.

I made my way into my closet and stood in front of Eric's jewlrey case. I ran my i hands over all his chains before picking up the shortest one. I held in tightly in my hand as I went downstairs to Jaxon. He has been behaving himself more ever since that day he declared himself an artist. Ever since then I would ask him about his feelings every day and although I shouldn't, I've been letting him sleep next to me.

When I hit the last step I saw Jaxon standing patiently by the door with a paper in his hand.

I sat on the last step and called Jaxon to stand in front of me.

"Yes mommy" he said in such a sweet voice. He really made my heart melt.

"I have something for you" I started to say as I raised my hand that held the chain.

"Its daddy's favorite chain so be careful, ok?" I continued as I put it over his head. I knew this meant alot to him. His smile was so wide.

"I will. Thank you mommy!" He said as he threw his hands around my neck giving me a tight hug. We held it for a moment before heading out.

When we finally made it to the grave site, Jaxon grew quite. I carried him as I walked to Eric's tombstone. I sat him down so I could lay out our sheet. I set our basket on the sheet before having a seat myself. I sat facing the tombstone with Jaxon right next to me.

I grabbed the basket that contained our lunch and opened it up. I gave Jaxon his juice box and sandwich. He kept his food infront of him as he stared at the tombstone.

"What's on your mind baby? You can talk to me" I told him softly as I wrapped my arm around his shoulders.

He didn't talk for a moment, he just continued to stare.

"I miss daddy" he said lowly.

"I know baby. Me too. But we have to remember that he's at rest now and he wouldn't want you to be sad" I softly told him.

He looked up at me with sad eyes and spoke, "if daddy doesn't want us sad then you no need to be sad"

"I know baby, I know. Mommy's working on it." I said almost crying.

Jaxon moved from beside me into my lap. I held him tightly trying to hold back my tears.

"Can I talk to daddy?" Jaxon said looking up at me.

"Of course. You can talk to him anytime but you have to remember that when he talks back, you won't hear him but you'll feel it right here" I told him as I placed my hand over his heart.

He slowly nodded and remained silent for a couple moments. I then felt him move around. He took a peice of paper out of his pocket. He placed it in front of the tombstone and spoke.

"I draw you a picture. It's me, you and mommy...I even draw it on my wall for me, it made mommy mad..." He slowly spoke.

This was a very emotional moment that I was happy to have with my son.

"I miss you daddy.... mommy miss you too..."He continued.

After spending another hour talking with Jaxon to Eric, we started to pack up. I gathered all my things and headed home. On the drive back i thought of how much different I felt. Going to the grave site and talking to Eric really lifted a weight of my shoulders. I know I'll never be completely over him but it's time to start moving on.

When we finally made it home, Jaxon was fast asleep. I made my way up to my bedroom and layed him down. I got in bed next to him turning the t.v. on. I enjoyed the time I had to relax.

I started dosing off until I heard my phone go off.

New Message
Shawn C
Hey Beyoncé, I hope the events from the other day didn't change your choice of working with me. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow at the grand opening. Again, I deeply apologize for hurting you.

I don't know why seeing his name pop up on my screen created what felt butterflies to invade my stomach. I noticed my heart beat pick up a tad.

Maybe it's because he is the only man to even talk to me since Eric's passing. Everyone thinks I'm too fragile to speak. No one tries to make conversation anymore because all they see me as is the widow who must be depressed.

After replying with a short "I'll be there" text, I layed down and attempted to fall asleep but my mind was being occupied.

My mind would shift focus from Eric to Shawn then back to Eric and so on.

I eventually fell asleep, leaving my thought battle to be resumed another day.